Tina is a 28-year-old married woman from Varanasi.
Hormones at play
I had met Amit on Diwali and instantly liked him. We hit off quite well and spoke on the phone and exchanged messages quite regularly. By the time it was Christmas, we were quite pally and I decided to invite him to the Christmas bash at my friend’s place. There were a lot of people at the party, including many of my friends. It was a crisp winter night with a clear sky. The stars were shining and as soft music played we found ourselves dancing on the terrace. Around midnight, while others were still busy dancing, Amit and I wandered off to my friend’s little cosy den just off the terrace.
Before we knew, we were all over each other and making out on my friend’s bed! It was my first time. Even as Amit was unbuttoning my shirt, and I his, I kept thinking ‘what am I doing!?,’ but I couldn't stop myself. We had been completely taken over by our hormones and it didn’t help to have such a beautiful romantic atmosphere. As novices, we both were clumsy and nervous and not really sure about what we were doing. But aroused we were, and one thing led to the other. And then it hurt. I wasn’t mentally prepared for the penetration and Amit wasn’t ready for the aftermath.
Quick and dirty
He came on my stomach to avoid any 'accidents’ but it only made things messier. The sight of that sticky white fluid on my tummy, the result of my first act of love-making, has just stayed with me.
The whole process lasted no longer than a few minutes. Once we were done, we felt awkward but gathered ourselves and rushed down before others started missing us. At that point of time, all I wanted was the for the party to get over. I just had my first time sex and it deflated all the notions I had held of what it would be like. In the months that followed, I met Amit a few times before he shifted to Mumbai. Soon, we both got busy with our lives and lost touch.
In the hindsight
I am now 28 and have been happily married for two years. However, the memory of that night, almost eleven years ago, remains fresh in my mind. And I still regret it. I, like most girls, had always dreamt of that perfect moment with the perfect man to lose my virginity. And yet, things did not quite happen that way. Instead, it left a memory I can’t quite rid of.
I often wonder what could have made my first time a better experience. Perhaps I needed to wait a few more years - to be of the right age and for the right time? I have spoken to friends about their experiences - some who experimented early while in school, others who waited till they started working or even until after marriage - and their stories have been varied. Some got it 'right' in the first attempt, for others, it took many many rounds. So perhaps there is no right place and time for first time sex.
In our case, however, I feel, it would have just helped if Amit and I had spent some time knowing each other, exploring each other’s preferences, a kiss here and a necking there before we got on to the full thing. Perhaps that would have made our first time a more beautiful experience.
The person in the picture is a model