Below we lay out three common concerns you may have. We don’t have all the answers, but we’ll try to give you some advice to get you started!
Why do I need to talk about sex with my partner?
Your partner is not a mind reader and won’t know if you’re happy or unhappy unless you tell them! That also applies to lovemaking.Your partner is not a mind reader and won’t know if you’re happy or unhappy unless you tell them! That also applies to lovemaking.
Talking about sex makes me feel uncomfortable!
Yes , talking about sex can feel awkward at first. Your partner probably feels awkward about it too. So don’t worry! While kissing or being intimate, you can already mention how much you’re looking forward to making love to them. Encourage your partner to open up too. The more you talk about sex, the more you get used to it, and the easier it becomes.
‘I’m really excited about making love to you, but I’m a bit nervous. Are you nervous too?’
Will my partner think less of me or think that I have slept with a lot of people, if I talk about what pleases me?
Some cultures look down on women discussing with their partners the sexual side of their relationships. So introduce the topic slowly and gently. You could even show them this website!
‘I found this website Love Matters which talks all about sex, and I thought we could look at it together to get some fun ideas for when we make love!’
Once you have looked at the website, perhaps you will both feel more confident to talk about things you would like to do with each other.
If your partner doesn’t like you sharing what makes you feel good, or doesn’t want to talk about sex at all, then maybe they’re just not the right person for you.
How to talk about pornography and masturbation with your partner
First things first: there’s nothing wrong with masturbation and porn can be great too. In fact, they can help us understand more about our own bodies, and our likes and dislikes.
However, when you become part of a couple, and move into the sexual stage of your relationship, it’s good to take the other’s person’s feelings on porn and masturbation into consideration. Some people are very shy in talking about masturbation. With porn, your partner may have had bad experiences or be totally against it.
We believe everyone should be free to explore and discuss different ways of pleasing themselves and their partners. So here are a few tips for negotiating the sometimes-tricky worlds of masturbation and porn once you’re in a relationship.
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