Do...
- Talk in advance Don't wait until you are already in bed and half-naked to start talking about sex. If you feel that your relationship is heading towards sex, talk about it in advance. Break the ice by saying, “I think we'd be great in bed together,” or “We'll have a great sexual chemistry.” That helps release the tension. That way you also let your partner know what's on your mind. And if they don't respond well, you know that they aren't comfortable with the idea of having sex with you – at least not yet.
- Make it safe Once you've brought up sex in your conversations and your partner seems keen about it too, try and decide together about how you can both have safe sex. Talk about condoms and other kinds of contraceptives to avoid pregnancy and unwanted risk of sexually transmitted diseases. This will help you have a stress-free sex life. Read more in our Talking about condoms: do’s and don’ts
- Feel comfortable to say 'no' If you feel like you're not ready to have sex or that you're just not in the mood, you should make it clear to your partner. You can be brave and honest about it. Whatever the reason, don't be shy about expressing yourself. You can always find a mild way to put things in words. If they really love you, they will be willing to wait for you until you feel ready.
Don't...
- Pick the wrong moment Don't complain about your bad sex life when you've just had a fight over your poor finances or paying the bills. That's definitely not the right moment. Pick a time that's neutral – when there's no simmering tension between the two of you. And then start the conversation gently. This way you avoid carrying forward negative emotions from your previous tiff.
- Be brutally blunt There are times when your sex life isn't as satisfactory as you'd like it to be. While being honest and clear about your thoughts is important, it doesn't necessarily imply that you need to be blunt or rude. Sex is a very emotive subject and it's generally not a good idea to place blame for your troubled sex life on one another. Be careful not to hurt your partners' feelings while conveying the message. It's essential to communicate your feelings without jeopardising theirs.
- Take a 'no' as a 'yes' There could be times when you think that when your partner says 'no,' they mean 'yes.' That's a misconception. When someone says 'no,' it's best to respect their choice and give them the space and time they require. It'd just be a pity if you coaxed them into something they regret later. If you're in doubt about what your partner means when they say 'maybe', you can ask them caringly about what their limits are and be careful not to tread them.
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