orgasm signs
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How do girls get an orgasm?

By Auntyji Monday, January 20, 2020 - 16:05
Hi Aunty ji, how do girls know when they have an orgasm? My boyfriend asks me how often if I've come after sex. But I don't have an answer. Sanah, 18, Pune.

Auntyji says, ‘Aha bete, there's going to be no telegram for that one!’ 

Tell tale signs

So Sanah beta – first, things first! Don’t think the orgasm is going to be a stars popping, bells ringing event – it may and it may well not! If you are waiting for something BIG to happen and it doesn’t show up – that’s a big let down, right? So first let’s understand what are we waiting for and how are you going to find out.

Body talk

Ok beta, to hota kya hai, tentatively speaking that is, when you both begin to make out, it starts with foreplay –  ranging from hugging, kissing, touching  each other and everything you do to get into the act. Short cut main bolein to – excitement wala phase. After this, as you progress further in the act of sex and lovemaking (in whatever way you like and agree upon) the excitement gets to a peak and culminates in what is commonly called an orgasm - mota mota bolein toh! It is supposed to feel WOW and a lot more but frankly, everyone experiences it uniquely. Ab sawal yeh hai, ki kasie pata chale, haina?  

For men, it’s easier. Usually when they ejaculate a sticky white discharge called semen comes out, like a pichkari - sometimes zyada and sometimes kum! Ejaculation is considered to be the orgasm marker for men – that they have cum. While in women too – it’s much the same but the ejaculation is much lesser – usually and does not with the same ‘fanfare’ as men but rather a feeling of extra excitement and extra wetness. 

The comparative is the problem. It is crucial beta to realise that men’s body’s are very different from women’s and each experiences sex in a different way ! No one rule applies!

Thousand shades of orgasm  

Now your bf may be thinking – ‘hers ought to be like mine’ – you are thinking – ‘my orgasm is supposed to be like his?’ And in this wondering and thinking – you both seem to be missing the feeling that orgasms are best known for - fun, mazaa, charam anand, beta!!

Orgasms enjoy the reputation they do because of how they make you feel – how you experience them. They are supposed to be exciting, thrilling, fulfilling and everyone has their own words to describe the feeling they get - and thus they may differ from one person to another and even within each sexual experience one can experience orgasms differently at different times. 

Ah Ha to Big O! 

I’d say, give up the hua ki nahin hua Q&A. Be in the moment – be in touch with your bodies and feelings – for each other and the experience. Enjoy the process and the end result - not just for yourself but your partner as well. 

The question you both (especially the man) ought to be asking is, ‘How was it for you’ not ‘did it happen?’ Look for little tell tale signs – how is your partners body responding and feeling, what's seeming good for them, ask, pillow talk, communicate in subtle and overt ways to get to know what you and they seem to be enjoying and liking and desiring. Go for the BIG O – not Uff’O! 

*To protect the identity, names have been changed.

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