First time sex
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First time sex: The pleasure menu

By Kate R Monday, January 29, 2018 - 17:37
Having sex for the first time is a big step, whether one has just met or they have been in a relationship for a long time. There are no hard and fast rules about having sex, but there are certain things both men and women should know to make their first experience enjoyable.

Consent is the key for having a good first-time sex! Is your partner having sex with you to keep you happy or he/she wants it equally? Ask your partner why he/she wants to have sex with you and never ever force them to do something that you think they are hesitant about. At any point during the act, you or your partner can always say no. Also, have you talked to your partner beforehand about how they feel about oral sex or anal sex.  

Talk and Listen

Your partner is the best judge of what he or she wants. Talk. Listen. Understand what your partner wants or doesn’t want. If something you do makes your partner uncomfortable, stop. And if your partner does something that makes you uncomfortable, be loud and clear.


Listen up guys, foreplay is important! If we talk about penis-vagina sex, foreplay becomes crucial — the more foreplay you do, the more a girl’s vagina gets lubricated as her body prepares for sex. It’s also the process that helps the guy get an erection. However, guys and girls usually get aroused at different speeds — for guys, the process is usually much faster — so guys, spend time on foreplay!

The simplest act within foreplay, kissing starts the tingling and that funny sensation in your tummy. Typically speaking, girls like the act more than guys, though that’s not true for everyone.

Self and Mutual masturbation

Love yourself and your body before you make love. Touch yourself and explore your body to know where it feels good to touch. If you know your body well and can achieve orgasm, it will make it easy for you to communicate and express your desires to your partner.

Let your fingers loose and explore your partner’s body. It builds anticipation and desire and is an excellent way to arouse him or her. If your partner is comfortable with it, start playing with his penis or her vagina. Give your partner an orgasm before asking for one!

Oral sex

Oral sex is an excellent way to arouse your partner before vagina-penile sex. Most guys will just get an erection thinking about it, while for girls, it will be a good way to get her lubricated down there. Another thing to keep in mind is that as far as girls are concerned, orgasms through vagina-penile sex are rarely achieved. But an orgasm through oral sex is far more achievable. Oral sex is also a far more intimate act than vagina-penile sex, especially for a woman.

Anal sex

The first thing that one must know about anal sex is that not everyone is comfortable with it. If you and your partner do decide to try it out, the most important thing to know is that it requires plenty of lubrication, so keep some lube handy. Anal sex is something that both partners will need to get used to, and if not done right, can hurt one or both partners.

Toys in the bedroom

Is that a vibrator under her quilt? Or did you just see a sex doll in his bedroom? There is no reason to be annoyed with them or think that they don’t need you anymore. On the contrary, sex toys can be fun to have in the bedroom. Making your female partner achieve orgasm with a vibrator is fun and so much easy than giving her one by penetration. Next time, gift her a vibrator on Valentine’s Day or her birthday and chances are she will remember you always!


Contraception is the key. Be it condoms for men or oral contraceptive pills or other options for women. But do you know about it before having sex for the first time? Yes, for men, condoms are essential — they not only act as a contraceptive but are an excellent guard against STDs. Ensure that you have a condom handy when you decide to have sex, and this goes for both girls and guys. 

It’ll get better

The first time you have sex, chances are it’s going to be bad. It may also be over all too quickly. Also, your real first-time sex is not like what it is shown in porn or the ‘First Shades of Grey’ movie! For women, you may or may not achieve an orgasm. But that’s absolutely normal. As with everything, practice will make you better at it.

Persons in the picture are models. 

How was your first-time sex? Share your story with Love Matters on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please visit our discussion forum.  

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