Sex fantasy
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Five most common sexual fantasies

Where do our sexual fantasies come from? Turns out that they are as much a part of the human experience as myths, collective dreams and storytelling.

There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with having sexual fantasies. They are an absolutely normal human experience, and people may or may not act out their fantasies in real life. There’s no answer to when exactly our sexual fantasies begin to develop. It certainly starts at a very young age. Here is a list of five common fantasies and why we have them.

  1. That perfect partner
    We all tend to crave a relationship that’s perfect with an ‘ideal’ partner. This is common in every relationship we seek, whether it is a friend or even a mentor. A perfect partner can be pretty much anybody. Maybe it’s somebody you’re involved with, were involved, admire the most or even a stranger you had a fleeting experience with.

    Different cultures have different notions of an ideal partner. So there cannot be a standard definition to this fantasy. However, having an ‘ideal’ expectation is a pretty normal psychological process.
  2. Dominance
    Dominance and submission fantasies are quite common among both men and women. They are actually subsets of BDSM (Bondage, dominance, submission and masochism). People who love being dominant in bed are known as dominants or doms.

    They can expect a certain level of compliance or wish to take up full control over their partners during sex. There are porn films exhibiting examples from these fantasies.
  3. Submission
    Submission is allowing your partner to take the lead or give them the power to control you during sex. It is more commonly known as 'being submissive’ or ‘playing a submissive role’. This type of fantasy ranges in extremity from Bondage (BDSM) to simple acts of harmless role-play.

    Some people enjoy the act of receiving. Being submissive doesn’t mean the person is weak. If you ever feel hurt of threatened or don’t enjoy something, you shouldn’t hesitate to communicate it to your partner.
  4. Exhibitionism
    Exhibitionism means arousal through the desire of others seeing you naked. Sometimes your partner can get turned on by thinking of exposing you to others. However, exposing yourself to your partner is not known as exhibitionism.

    Exhibitionism is considered to be a sexual disorder or unnatural attraction. It can land you into trouble too as it often involves fantasising around strangers without their consent. Some people think that through exhibitionism, the stranger might get sexually aroused. That’s not true!
  5. Voyeurism
    All humans harbour a little sense of voyeurism in them. Even watching a film is essentially a voyeuristic experience. Voyeurism is getting sexually aroused by seeing/spying on others who are naked, undressing themselves or having sex.

    While voyeurism can be described as paraphilia, voyeuristic fantasies are pretty common the world over. A lot of people have slipped a peep now and then, and many of us have fantasised about it.

This article was first published in Better than Chocolate, a pleasure magazine by Lovetreats. To buy a wide range of sexual wellness or intimate products, visit lovetreats at

What’s your sexual fantasy? Share them as comments below or write to us on Facebook. If you have any questions, visit our discussion forum Let’s Talk.

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