I don't want to have sex
Shutterstock/Daxiao Productions/Person in the photo is a model

Don’t feel like having sex? Here’s why!

By Ketaki R Monday, May 17, 2021 - 16:29
Don’t feel like having sex and don’t understand why it’s happening? Well, you are not alone. Many men and women lack sexual desire because of various reasons. Let’s find out why it happens and how you can overcome it.

Sexual desires can vary over time, and there is no standard level of libido. Sexual desire can differ not only from person to person but also for the same person over the course of a relationship. It is also quite common for a person’s interest in sex to not match their partner’s. 

However, it can become a problem if the lack of a desire for sex causes mental stress or results in friction in a relationship. A low libido could also be an indicator of an underlying health condition.

Here are some of the common reasons which result in the lack of sex drive in men and women:

Relationship problems

An unhappy relationship could result in an unhappy sex life. There are several reasons behind a drop in libido, including loss of sexual attraction, becoming overfamiliar with your partner, unresolved conflict, poor communication and a lack of trust between the partners.

Solution: Try to talk to your partner about what’s disturbing you and work towards improving your relationship. 


There are several psychological causes behind a low libido and how one’s state of mind can affect the desire for sex, including mental health problems such as anxiety or depression, financial or work-related stress and low self-esteem. 

A history of physical or sexual abuse, along with previous negative sexual experiences, could result in a decreased interest in sexual activity.

Solution: Practice meditation, yoga, mindfulness and some deep breathing exercises along with getting to the root cause of stress and overcoming it. Don’t hesitate to seek therapy for stress, if needed. 

Hormone changes

Changes in hormone levels may alter the desire for sex for women. These broadly occur during pregnancy, breast-feeding and menopause.

At the time of pregnancy and breastfeeding, the body goes through massive hormonal changes, while fatigue, changes in body image and pressures associated with pregnancy or caring for a baby can also affect one’s sexual desire.

Meanwhile, during menopause, a woman’s oestrogen levels drop, which can make a woman less interested in sex and cause dry vaginal tissues, resulting in painful or uncomfortable sex. 

For men, a drop in testosterone levels will result in a decrease in libido. A gradual drop in testosterone levels is a normal part of ageing, but can also be due to an underlying disease.

Solution: New mothers should seek help in any form as possible for the baby and chores and their partners should understand that this is a phase and it, too, shall pass. For other hormonal issues, talk to your doctor and focus on eating right and exercising to get some feel good hormones in your body. 

Health conditions

Certain medical condition can affect a person’s sex drive. A low libido can be associated with heart disease, diabetes, an under active thyroid or even cancer.

A person’s sexual drive can also be affected by major surgery. 

The diseases that can affect desire for sex include type 2 diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

Solution: Consult a doctor and seek help. Also, do not forget that exercising regularly, maintaining a healthy weight and eating right are the key to reducing obesity, diabetes and high cholesterol and other such diseases. 


Certain medicines and drugs can affect libido. Some of the common medicines that affect sexual appetite are for high blood pressure, seizures, cancer, along with hormonal contraceptives. Certain antidepressants and antipsychotics can also affect desire for sex.

Solution: Talk to your doctor and see if there is a possibility to change that particular brand of medicine or to tweak your dosage. 


Too much alcohol or recreational drugs can affect a person’s sex drive. More than two alcoholic beverages a day can lead to long-term health deterioration. Marijuana and other drugs such as opiates have also been connected to a decrease in testosterone production. This can result in a lack of sexual desire.

Smoking decreases blood flow, which may dull arousal. Smoking has also been found to affect production of sperm.

Solution: Moderation is the key here but when it comes to drugs, just quit. 

Sexual problems

Finally, a physical issue could also result in lack in desire for sex. These can include ejaculation problems and erectile dysfunction among men, and vaginal dryness, painful sex or the involuntary tightening of the vagina for women. It could also be due to an inability to orgasm by either or both man and woman.

Solution: Don’t shy away from consulting a sexologist for your sexual issues. Sometimes the problem could be solved easily by just using a lubricant or some medication for a few days. 

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model. 

Have a similar problem? Talk to Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum. We are also on Instagram, YouTube and Twitter. 

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Dekhiye ye ek passing phase bhi ho sakta hai! Lekin saamanyatah tension ya pressure ke karan bhi ling me tanav ki kami ho sakti hai, kahin aap kisi tension, pressure mein toh nahi hai na? Yeh samjh lijiye ki sex karney ke liye ya ling me tanav aane ke liye bilkul tanav mukt hona zaruri hai. Aur yadi shareer menin uttejna adhik hogi, sex ki bhavna zyada hogi toh shighrpatan hone ki sambhavna bhi adhik ho sakti hai. Aisee stithi mein, partner par focus badhana, foreplay , pravesh karne se pehle bahut se alag alag kriyaein karna , jinse dono ko aanand mile, apne partner kee uttejna badhana, yeh sab activities sabse zaroori hain. Iske ilava, partner ke saath sex karne se pehle, ek baar hastmaithun kar saktey hain, utne samay pehele jitne mein ling mein tanaav aa jaaye. Condom ka istemaal bhi jaldi discharge kum karne mein madadgaar saabit ho sakta hai. Yaha padhiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/news/4-signs-you-have-erectile-dysfunction https://lovematters.in/hi/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts https://lovematters.in/hi/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/i-ejaculate-too-soon-help Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Arre Kunaal bete, ling ko apne aam stithi pe bhi to waapis aana hai na? Isme lagbhag 45 mins se 1 hour lag sakta hai, ya zyada ya kum. Yeh bohot common hain, so don't worry! Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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