Ritika, 24, is from Sangli, Maharashtra while Prakhar, 27 is a hotelier in Chandigarh.
Never into it
Prakhar and I had an arranged marriage organised by our families. It seems that Prakhar was never really ready for marriage. Although everything was well planned, he somehow didn't seem to be as invested in the marriage as I was.
During our courtship, we became intimate but decided not to have the intercourse until we were married. We kissed, felt each other's private parts but something made him uncomfortable and he stopped showing interest. Despite his discomfort, we got married as I was convinced that things would get better after the wedding.
But they did not. Although he knew how willing I was to get physically intimate, he barely tried to satisfy my needs. Four months into our marriage we were barely having any sex.
He complained that my vagina was ‘too small’ for him and insertion took a lot of effort. That surprised me. I was always under the impression that men prefer smaller vaginas as it gives them more pleasure. He also complained about having to wear a condom. He said condoms made him uncomfortable. But at the same time he didn’t want a pregnancy and so had to wear one.
Oral to the rescue
Once after a big fight, which took him to the extent of deciding on separation, he told me he would never have kids with me. Since then, almost six months now, he's never inserted his penis in me.
After a lot of negotiation and arguments, we both agreed on having oral sex. He satisfies me by going down on me. We do it just once a week, sometimes even less, but it's almost clear from his actions that he is not interested. The thought of not having intercourse always haunts me.
I have tried many times to get to the root cause of the problem and ask him the reason for his behaviour. He wasn't interested in getting married to me, but because I still went ahead I have had to accept him as he is. He also gave me the option of walking out of the marriage, if I wasn't comfortable, but I decided to stay back.
Saving my marriage
I stayed back because I felt that saving my marriage is more important than what he says to me or the way he treats me. The fact that we will probably never have kids has dug a big hole in my heart. And our fights have taken us so far from each other that I haven't been able to express to him how I feel about all of this.
But I am still hopeful and keep strengthening myself through prayers. Hoping one day, things will change for the better. One day he will insert inside me and that one day won't be too far away and we will then be married for real.
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.
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