Aunty ji
Love Matters India

Is it ok to have a sexual fling before marriage?

By Auntyji Thursday, June 28, 2018 - 10:13
I will soon be marrying a man my parents have chosen. Before I get married, I want to have sex with another man, who I like but do not want to get married to. Is this dangerous? B, 24, Kanpur.

Auntyji says, ‘Oh ho achcha ... Beta B, let’s first be sure about your reasons to take this plunge. Let’s discuss a few. ‘

Why now?

So beta the first question I think you need to ask yourself is, why do you want to do this? You know this guy you like for a while – yes? Then why the desire to have sex with him, now, before you get married. You could have done it before too, why do you want it so much more now,? Abhi kyun? Is this a need to come close to a man you have some feeling for or is it an assertion – I can take risks too! Consider both.

Is it because you feel, ek last fling toh banta hai? And you think that before you marry, you must get to sample some fun too? And what better way than to do it with some reckless and torrid sex with a guy you like, another man –something new and exciting!

Puttar B, you may want to consider it a bit more thoroughly. Sex can be really fun and give you that sense of freedom – no doubt. But as long as it does not bring any extra baggage or burden, later. Museebat yeh hai – you have to kind of decide now. Once it’s done – you won’t get a chance to undo it, see?

Bawdy talk

I have no holds on having sex before marriageshareer is yours, control ought to be yours too. Just be sure why you are going about it, so that you have no regrets later. For instance, your new husband turns out to be the most wonderful person and the sassiest lover – you are blown away by his love and charm and now begin to regret that, ‘Oh ho, why did I do that before I married this great guy!’

What if it turns out he asks you, ‘darling, you are my one and only love – I hope you are as pure for me as I am for you’ or some such filmi dialogue; which by the way we hear over and over –are you ready with a ‘lifelong’ answer?  

Will you choose, ‘No! Never! It’s been you and only you’, or will you go with the, ‘truth shall prevail!’ Your husband could react either way – are you ready for that? What if this another guy turns out to be rubbish lover B... ek dum useless... then? Aye haye –thoda sampling kar lena, before you order the entire four-course – intercourse!

(No) Dangerous Liaisons

No, it’s not dangerous at all – hey, what danger can there be but for these later on regrets and maybe guilt pangs? It's your personal choice – even if it's your last ‘salute to singledom’ – your choice entirely! Go ahead – just be safe, ensure you trust the person you want to have sex with and use a condom. Fulfill each desire – every fantasy – but with no regrets at all – is that fine?

Do what you think will give you your sense of liberation – sense of well, power. But uske baad – no looking back – no rona dhona, no regrets. Ok? Ab you sit and think and make a decision. It will be the best one for you, I am sure.  Don’t forget the condoms, for this one and the other!

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

Do you have any questions on premarital sex? Ask Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page or consult LM experts on our discussion forum.

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Comments
Mustafa Rao
Sun, 07/01/2018 - 14:54
Aunti ji mai aek ladki se roj baat karta hoon phone se uske saanth sex karna chahta hoon Kaise karoon kuchh bhi kahta hoon aane ke liye raaji nahi horahi hai
Bete sex ke liye dono partners ki barabar ki marzi ka hona zaroori hain. Jab unhe interest hi nahi hain aapke saath sex karne mein toh iska sammaan kijiye. Na ka matlab na hi hota hain. Apna chintan swasth kijiye. Yadi aapke man mein koi bhee aur sawaal hain aur aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Dekhiye Sanjana bete sahi ya galat ka faisala hum khud lete hain, apne liye, aur koi nahi le sakta, bahut sare log hain jo aisa karte bhi hain, lekin ye unka personal nirnay hota hai. Aur haan kisi bhi sexual activity mein ek cheez bohot hi important hai woh hai dono logo ki sehmati. Is baaray mein yaha padhein: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/making-love https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/meeting-someone/saying-no https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/do-indian-men-not-understand-consent Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
मेरी जिस लड़की से साधी हो रही हे उसने किसी और के साथ सेक्स किया हे तो मे उससे साधी कर सकता हुन केया क्यू की अब मेरे से भी बहुत peyar करती हे
देखिए बेटा हम हमेशा ये सलाह देते हैं कि किसी भी रिश्ते में present और future पर focus करना चाहिए, ना कि past पर.. अगर आप पूरे प्यार और सम्मान के साथ इस पक्का निर्णय के साथ कि भविष्य में आप उन्हें इस बात के लिए कभी ताना नहीं देंगे, या आलोचना या अपमान नहीं करेंगे तो शादी करने में कोई समस्या नहीं है.. आपके अनुसार आप दोनो के रिश्ते में प्यार बहुत है, और आपके इस निर्णय से यही लगता है कि आप दोनो के बीच भरोसा और एक दूसरे के प्रति सम्मान भी है.. आप दोनों को Auntyji का ढेर सारा प्यार ...Best wishes.. यदि इस मुद्दे पर आप और गहरी चर्चा में जुड़ना चाहते हैं, तो हमारे डिस्कशन बोर्ड, " जस्ट पूछो" में ज़रूर शामिल हों. https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Jisse shadi karni he usse hi sex karo warna mt karo yar mere jaise log bhi pade he ki meri wife kitni achchi hogi jiske jism ko sirf or sirf mai dekhunga or koi nahi dekhega jo meri he uspe sirf mera hak he or kisi ka nahi to ap sabse hath jod viniti he ki shadi jisse karni he usi se sex kare ya jise nahi karni uske sath kyu time pas karte ho picche hat jao 🙏🙏
दीपक बेटे आप इसे पढ़िए: https://lovematters.in/hi/our-bodies/male-body/mens-hygiene यदि इस मुद्दे पर आप और गहरी चर्चा में जुड़ना चाहते हैं, तो हमारे डिस्कशन बोर्ड, " जस्ट पूछो" में ज़रूर शामिल हों. https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Maaf kijiyega hum isme aapki koi madad nahi kar sakte hai. Agar aapke paas anya koi sawal hai to puchh sakte hai. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Anty ji meri shadi 2022 me Hui aur ek baby bhi h shadi ke pahle mai bf ke relationship me thi vo mjhe force krta tha sex ke liye mai use pyar samjh baithi aur physically ho gai aur shadi ke bad sabkuch bahut acha h husband bahut pyar karte h unko dekhto to khud se nafrat hoti h Aisa lgta h ki Mai inke layak nhi hu man karta h suicide kar lu fir baby ko dekhti hu to sochti hu mere bad iska kya hoga anty ji mai bahut presan hu plzz meri help kijiye mai kya karu husband ko bta du ya nhi

Rashi, aapko bilkul bhi is tarah ke vichar apne mn mein nahi lane chahiye .... suicide karna kisi bhi samasya ka haal nahi hai ... Pahle ke kisi bhi relationship ka prabhav hamein apne present ke relation par nahi padne dena chahiye,, wo bhi tab jab sabkuch achha ho... Aur rahi baat koi baat share karne ki.. to ab to adhikansh logon ke relations hote hain.. aise mein aap kuch bhi share karne se pahle.. apne aap ko comfortable rakhe... aur jahan tak ho sake.. purani baton ko bilkul bhul jaye aur apne husband ke sath life ko enjoy karei..

 

Ummid hai, aapko Aunty ji ki salah se kuch help milegi...

Hi Anu,

Sex ke liye dono logon ki consent jaruri hai.. agar aap apne BF ke sath sex ko lekr comfortable hain aur aapki bhi marzi hai, to hi sex ke liye aage badhna chahiye ... Yaad rakhe, oyar ko proof karne ke liye sex ki jarurat nahi hoti .. Yahan Aunty ji ne kya kaha hai, padh lijiye- https://www.lovematters.in/en/making-love/virginity/should-i-have-sex-with-my-boyfriend

 

https://www.lovematters.in/en/making-love/my-bf-wants-us-to-have-for-sex-but-i-am-not-ready

 

 

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