Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters India

I am stressed at work and my gf wants sex, help!

By Auntyji Thursday, April 5, 2018 - 10:57
Hi Auntyji. I am very stressed these days because of problems at work and just can't get myself to think about sex. My girlfriend is unhappy as it has been weeks since we made out. What can I do? Ankit, 26, Mumbai

Auntyji says, ‘Arre puttar! This job shob and pyaar shyaar sometimes just don’t gel – do they?’

New view

Achcha ji. So let’s keep sex out of it and look at it from her point of view. You have become cranky and crabby, you only talk about work and how it's so bad and how you are so stuck and sunk in it. And you only talk to some folks on the phone. You are looking worried and not so attractive. This is nothing like what she signed up for – in fact, the opposite. You dear Ankit, are now a bore!

Going nuts!

On the other hand, you need the freaking help – not the freakout! She is going to go crazy when you are already crazed out – aye ki gall hui? Someone has to keep their sanity and composure here. I understand you are not the best candidate for that, so, it has to be her!  

So, talk to her – but without a freakout! Cool, calm, composed dialogue. ‘Darling, I need your help!’ Somehow those happen to be magic words these days. 

Distraction attraction

Now the other truth is Ankit beta, you can do with some distraction. When did any situation get better by stressing over it? Not na. Getting a break will always give you a newer perspective – a fresher ‘eye’. A small distraction suddenly puts you out of the problem and you are able to see better. To get a bird's eye view I suggest you take some time off. That’s why a holiday, a weekend, a day off is so crucial.

Stress busters – top of the list – or almost, is sex. But people forget that when you are so busted yourself, how do we expect our poor body part to give a 21 gun salute? Colonel Sahib is dharashahee. You know, down and out. How can he raise the flag? That’s really not a fair expectation. In fact, it is further adding to the stress and tension. Its like neither can I get the flag hoisted and nor can I get the enemy ousted. Stress pe double stress!

Fix it – not nix it

This is not the time to load up the ‘I am a failure’ list. Please talk to her, Agreed she is missing your proximity so let’s see what you can try. A few fix-its. Offer her the following buffet.

Stop talking about having or not having sex. Let’s wait for this one out. Let’s get cosy and comfy – for at least 30 minutes every day. No phones Ankit for this time. Let me get it out of my system – just vent – you just listen – please. If you nod and make appropriate noises, I will love you, even more.

Sex may still not happen – blame it on Colonel Sahab and his dullard flag. But it will lift up your spirits and other body parts may follow suit, soon.

Soldier on duty

And sometimes beta it is also ourselves to be led, to go with the flow. Even if you are not into the game – you still can be the solid soldier who gets the job done well –  at an office and at home, samjhe? Your girlfriend is the calmer one at the moment. So why not let her lead the front?

Give her the pleasure she deserves and hopefully, it will blow away your stress and tension and who knows it will bring you back to form, to get back to the 21 gun salute, which your loving and understanding girlfriend by now, truly deserves.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person in the picture is a model. 

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Ye mumkin ho sakta hain. Sabse pehle toh apni partner ki body ko samjh lo- usko time de do. Aur yadi shareer mein uttejna adhik ho, sex ki bhavna zyada hogi toh sheegra hi patan hone ki sambhavna bhi adhik ho sakti hai. Aisi stithi mein, partner par focus badhana, foreplay, yaani bete ki pravesh karne se pehle bahut se alag alag kriyaen karna , jinse dono ko anand mile, apne partner ki uttejna badhana, yeh sab activities sabse zaroori hain. Iske ilava, partner ke saath sex karne se pehle, ek baar hast maithun kar saktey hain, utne samay pehle jitne mein ling mein tanaav aa jaaye. Condom ka istemaal bhi jaldi discharge kum karne mein madadgaar saabit ho sakta hai. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon!
Ma'am..m not virgin because of an incident happened with me and my boyfriend dont know this agar mene btaya to wo mujh se gussa ho jayega and it has been 3 years and now we decided to be in physical m kya kru...please mam tell me m kya do I regain it I don't have money to spend too

Dear Manushi

Thank you for your comment. Virginity is just a state of mind. Virginity in women is also commonly associated with the myth that the first act of a penetrative peno-vaginal sex leads to the first-ever tearing of a fragile piece of skin at the entrance of the vagina. This piece of the skin is known as the hymen. And that this tearing takes place with a certain amount of bleeding, making it possible to definitely establish whether a sexual intercourse is a woman’s first. This is a misconception. Please read about it here. 

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