virginity and oral sex
Love Matters India

Can I lose my virginity if he goes down on me?

By Auntyji Thursday, December 20, 2018 - 11:16
Hi Auntyji, my partner and I want to have oral sex but I am scared. I wonder if I will lose my virginity through oral sex. Can you please advise? Sneha, 18, Kanpur.

Auntyji says...Lose and gain will happen beta only if we decide exactly what the loss is, pehle yeh to tay ho jaye?

What is sex?

So beta ji, the first question is – what do we consider as sex? Ek cheez to hai nahin. We all have a different understanding of sex – different experiences of sex. Then how can there be one understanding of virginity?

Now intercourse is understood as any sexual experience in which one’s sexual organs are involved in some way. Aur bhi zyada ‘clinical’ definition of a sexual encounter will be – if the genitalia is involved – be it alone or including someone else’s! Also the act is meant to give the person engaging in it some pleasure. So Sneha beta, woh to masturbation and porn is also providing.

In that case, oral sex is also sexual. To beta ji, phir to virginity gayee – the first time a woman gets sexually excited – the first time man gets an erection due to anything remotely sexual – bye bye virginity! It includes oral sex, mutual masturbation or even kissing!

Only a woman’s issue?

The issue with virginity beta is that it somehow has connotations of being a woman’s only issue and has some link with a vagina. We also assume that a certain penetration will be involved, most likely by a  penis and the most outdated concept of the breaking of a hymen in a woman.

That’s where we get it wrong betaji. If we go by ‘definitions’, which can differ from one person to another, a person who has had no sexual experience is a ‘virgin’. But have you ever heard a man lament, ‘I’ve lost  to you my sabse kimiti cheez!’ And that’s not an iPhone we are talking about! That’s because we think that virginity is somehow associated only to a woman and to the breaking of the poor hymen, which is the biggest virginity myth out there! Did you know betaji some women simply don’t have a hymen and for others, it breaks by driving a bicycle or shoot a basket into a hoop!

No labels needed

So Sneha, I can hear you thinking – ‘Auntyji batao toh – am I or am I not a virgin? Post oral sex?’ Wohi toh beta. The point is that virginity has a very little to do with a certain type of sexual practice or a body part or a small part of our body. It’s what you think and see yourself as.

If you feel you are ‘saving something’ by not having penetrative sex – well, that’s really a personal choice and decision. God knows what one is ‘saving’ because sexual pleasure to ho hee raha hai na – be it any for any sexual experience.

So what is the big damn deal with this virginity – someone please tell Auntyji also na! Now you get over this trip, beta! Do what works for you. Girls do not need any labels – are we a bottle of jam?

Reason it right

Whatever sex you have, make sure its saaf and safe!  ‘Yes’ means ‘Oh Yes’ and ‘No’ means what it says, ‘Hell, no’! Sehamati/consent is for all parties concerned. As far as virginity goes, just remember, only you can decide what your virginity status is, that is if you want one. Virginity cannot be determined by a specific sexual act (penetrative intercourse), it cannot be determined by the absence or presence of a body part (hymen) and it cannot be determined by the presence of blood on a sheet. It is just a state, a point, in one’s sexual experiences and it can arrive (or not) at any point in one’s sexual life.

Names have been changed. The person in the picture is a model. This article was first published on January 18, 2018. 

Do you have any questions on virginity? Ask Love Matters on our Facebook page or please visit our discussion forum.

Comments
Hmm! Aisa kyun ho raha hai? Kya aap koi aisi activity kar rahe hain jo ki unhe pasand nahi aa rahi hai? Sabse zaroori hoga ki aap unse pyar aur vishawas ke saath iski vajeh poochein, bina jhagda, bina aalochna. Tab hee aap anumaan laga saktey hain, hain na? Yeh bhi yaad rakhiye, ki sex mein HAAN karna ya NAA, yeh bhi unka haq hai, unka nirnay… so yadi who Na kartee hain, so ek baat to tay hi ki koi bhi zor ya zabardasti bilkul allow nahin ha, samjhe beta jee?! https://lovematters.in/en/news/my-wife-not-interested-sex https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/making-love https://lovematters.in/hi/news/how-can-i-please-my-wife-bed Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
क्या आपका मतलब गर्भवती होने से हैं? बेटे शुरू से third month तक और फिर सातवें महीने से ले कर …. इस समय avoid कीजिए. जो वाइफ को पसंद हो वही कीजिए , जो डॉक्टर सलाह दे वो भी समझ लीजिए. और देखो बेहतर बेहतर होगा की आप कंडोम का इस्तेमाल करें. या फिर डिसचार्ज अंदर ना होने दें. इसके इलावा वाइफ की कंफर्ट का पूरा ध्यान कीजिए.और हाँ ! last 3 months में definitely safety रखिये. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/sex-during-pregnancy-top-five-facts यदि इस मुद्दे पर आप और गहरी चर्चा में जुड़ना चाहते हैं, तो हमारे डिस्कशन बोर्ड, " जस्ट पूछो" में ज़रूर शामिल हों. https://lovematters.in/hi/forum
Bete kya jaankari chhaiye apko? Saath hi is website pe bahut see jaan kari de gayee hai use padh lo. Hum humeshan yahan hai aapke liye. https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/making-love https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/safe-sex Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
madam meri shadi ko 3-4 month ho gye he main apni wife se sex nhi kr pa rha hu jb bi try krta usko dard bohat hota he main bohat preshan hu pls help ..
Yoni bahut chhoti hoti hai aur lacheele bhi. So Jald baazi mat keejiye, phele finger se try keejiye, koi lubrication use keejye… Lekin apki partner ko bahut hee relaxed rehana hai aur apko bhi is dauran bahut hee support karna hai. Poora ling ek hee baar andar jaaye yeh bilkul zaroori nahin, aur na hee iski rai dee jaati hai. iske barre mein yeh padhiye. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/first-time-sex-top-five-facts Yadi sex dono pyaar ke saathiyoun ke beech ho, surakshit yaani bina koi zor zabardasti ke ho, so bahut hee achchha. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
These things are not inter-related, bete. Hymen is a part of the skin of the vagina. The condition of hymen has no effect whatsoever on whether or not the woman will bleed during her first time having anal sex. If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, ‘Just Ask’ https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Mam mera problem yeh hii ki mai apni girlfrnd ke sex karna chahta hu without condom bt woh chahti hii ki aap safety ke sath hi kare ,or mai chahta hu ki mai sex bi kar lu or woh pregnant bi na ho , mam plz help me
Sahi toh soch rahi hain wo, Piyush bete. Unki marzi ka sammaan kijiye. Kya aapko nahi maloom ki bina condom ke sex karna apne aap mein ek safe idea bilkul bhi nahi hai. Isse anchahe garbh ke saath kai youn rog hone kaa bhi khatra ho sakta hai. https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/safe-sex Yadi aapke man mein koi bhee aur sawaal hain aur aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Satyam bete jaldi ho ne se koi baat nahi, dont worry. So sabse pehle toh apni partner ki body ko samjh lijiye- unko time dijiye. Aur yadi shareer menin uttejna adhik hogi, sex ki bhavna zyada hogi toh shighrpatan hone ki sambhavna bhi adhik ho sakti hai. Aisee stithi mein, partner par focus badhana, foreplay , pravesh karne se pehle bahut se alag alag kriyaein karna , jinse dono ko aanand mile, apne partner kee uttejna badhana, yeh sab activities sabse zaroori hain. Iske ilava, partner ke saath sex karne se pehle, ek baar hastmaithun kar saktey hain, utne samay pehele jitne mein ling mein tanaav aa jaaye. Condom ka istemaal bhi jaldi discharge kum karne mein madadgaar saabit ho sakta hai. Yaha padhiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts https://lovematters.in/hi/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/i-ejaculate-too-soon-help Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Anurag bete bina condom ke sex karna apne aap mein ek safe idea bilkul bhee nahi hai. Isse anchahe garbh ke saath kai youn rog hone kaa bhi khatra ho sakta hai. https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/safe-sex https://lovematters.in/hi/safe-sex/sti-prevention/safe-or-unsafe https://lovematters.in/hi/birth-control/we-had-sex-without-condoms-help Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
maam namaste, main nahane k baad penis k skin khol k usme thook ya saliva laga k band karta hu..kyaa ye sahi hai..isse koi dikat to nahi hai penis mei??
Sagar bete ismein koi problem ho yeh bilkul bhee zaruri nahi hai. Aur zyada yaha padhiye : https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/penis https://lovematters.in/hi/our-bodies/male-body/mens-hygiene Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Good evening mam. Mere penis ka skin open nahi hota hai kya isse sex karne mei pareshani hogi kya? Aur ise open karne ka saral upaaye bataiye please.
Aditya bete ismein pareshani ho sakti hai aur is skin ko nahataye samaye halkaye se pichay kar ke saaf karna hota hai jissey ki waha safai bani raheye, yadi aisaye karney mein koi zyada takleef ya blood aa raaha hai toh ek doctor se mill lijiye iskaye baare mein. Aur zyada yaha padhiye : https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/penis https://lovematters.in/hi/our-bodies/male-body/mens-hygiene Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Beta jaldi ho ne se koi baat nahi, dont worry. So sabse pehle toh apni partner ki body ko samjh lijiye- unko time dijiye. Aur yadi shareer menin uttejna adhik hogi, sex ki bhavna zyada hogi toh shighrpatan hone ki sambhavna bhi adhik ho sakti hai. Aisee stithi mein, partner par focus badhana, foreplay , pravesh karne se pehle bahut se alag alag kriyaein karna , jinse dono ko aanand mile, apne partner kee uttejna badhana, yeh sab activities sabse zaroori hain. Iske ilava, partner ke saath sex karne se pehle, ek baar hastmaithun kar saktey hain, utne samay pehele jitne mein ling mein tanaav aa jaaye. Condom ka istemaal bhi jaldi discharge kum karne mein madadgaar saabit ho sakta hai. Yaha padhiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts https://lovematters.in/hi/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/i-ejaculate-too-soon-help Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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