Auntyji says... First things first, Jayant beta, your case is not rare. We all, across genders and age groups, think about sex. Maybe not all the time – but much more than we admit in public!
It's a perfectly healthy and natural thing to do. As my beeji used to say, "What's natural is never vulgar." And what can be more natural then sexual urges?
But if you feel that you think about it ALL the time and it affects your life, then we need to talk a little bit more. Because fun can be dangerous sometimes. Interestingly, research in the Netherlands shows that most sex addicts are able to understand that their addiction is affecting them adversely.
In fact, you could say that however much you think about sex, have sex, or watch sex, it’s only an addiction if it is causing problems in for you or the people around you. So maybe there is something behind your worries.
I am very glad that you accept that there might be an issue and are able to talk about your condition openly. A lot of men will not be comfortable talking so openly. In fact for some, addiction to sex might be a sign of machismo. Though it's rubbished by lot of people, including some medical practitioners, it can be a serious problem. Something that needs to be dealt with a lot of care.
With an addiction, we become dependent on a certain form of gratification and then obsess over it. And it takes a mental as well as physical toll. Then there are the emotional scars that any obsession brings.
Plus sex addiction has the additional baggage of society and family's judgments. If you don’t deal with the problem, it can make you very unhappy and take a heavy toll on your loved ones – and I mean apart from your family jewels!
Now without enough details I cannot really judge if you are actually addicted to sex or not. So let me give you some pointers. Ask yourself...
- Does thinking about sex takes too much of your time and energy every day?
- Does your sexual life include shame, secrecy and abuse?
- Are you masturbating or seeking sexual pleasure so much that you’re neglecting day-to-day activities, work or loved ones?
Din mein ek do baar to theek hai, but if you are sneaking long loo breaks during office hours, my dear Jayant, you need help.
And yes, in that case, a trained sex therapist would be the best person to help you. But if that is not an option for you, maybe there is someone you trust enough to share your worries with.
Test the waters with a close friend. You may find they are not so shocked by your story after all. Sex is the first thing you think about when you meet a girl? I think there are not many young men who would find this so strange!
Anyway you have made a good step just by contacting Auntyji. I hope you will now be able to decide whether you really have a problem or not.
My guess is that you probably think about sex a lot – but no more than most people do! Remember, thinking about sex is not a disorder – but obsessing over it certainly is.
As always, if you do have a problem, just realising that you do is the first step towards negotiating it. Rab rakha ji, rab rakha.