Aarti is a 30-year-old publishing industry personnel, who works in Delhi.
Ready to explore
I was 24 when I started seeing Gaurav. I found him cute and we were attracted to each other. In no time we were dating seriously and I wanted to be intimate with him. The only problem was that I had never really made out with anyone before. My only experience in this area were Hollywood romcoms, with a sex scene or two, some porn on the internet and Mills and Boons. However, I decided it was high time I took the plunge and experience it first hand.
Sloppy kisses and more
Plunge on, we did, by planning the day and the moment to the last detail.
We chose a long weekend and decided to go to Gaurav’s place on the outskirts of the city. We ordered in good food, played on some romantic music and to turn up the heat also saw some porn.
Despite the excitement, and our carefully planned atmospherics, it wasn’t easy and our nervousness reflected in our actions. We could only manage some sloppy kisses and touching each other’s upper bodies. Somehow, we ended up laughing for no reason and just slept with our arms around each other.
The morning after
It was a crisp October morning and the sunshine was beginning to peek through the window. I don’t know if it was about waking up next to a guy, for the first time in my life, or the night-long cuddling; it all felt very romantic. The awkwardness had melted away and quite in contrast to the night, which was a bit too ‘thanda’, we were all charged in the morning. Soon we were kissing madly and feeling each other up. I then had a sudden urge to see all of him. I was excited, scared and too overcome with my hormones. The next thing I know, I had pulled down his lowers.
The moment of reckoning
What I saw then left me speechless. He had a huge penis. And the only thought in my head was – how is that thing ever supposed to go inside me! I was shocked. I froze and I knew that I couldn't carry on any further – as if someone had just turned off a switch inside me.
Gaurav didn't seem to have noticed the sudden change in my mood and kept kissing me. Our bodies were touching and I was still half aroused. But my brain, it could only think of "how big it was". I tried really hard to turn my thoughts back to the love making and enjoying the moment, as this was meant to be my first time, but I just couldn’t. As I battled my thoughts, he asked me, "Shall we do it?"
I am sorry, I can’t
At that moment, tears started rolling down my cheeks. I could barely muster up the strength but said, “I can’t do it. I am sorry but I just can't."
He was confused and shocked and asked if he had done something to upset me. I could bring myself to explain that it was his big genitalia that had thrown me off course. I just got up from the bed, got ready and without meeting his eyes said, "I need some time".
I was really glad that even though I hadn't explained my abrupt behaviour, he kept his cool. He helped me with the packing and without a complaint dropped me back home.
Not the one to give up
I wasn't sure what turn our relationship was going to take following this episode. I was worried that Gaurav may lose interest. On the contrary, he gifted me flowers, chocolates and kept my phone buzzing with text messages. His efforts to woo me eventually worked but it still took me about two weeks to be able to call him.
Slow and messy
I called him and explained what had gotten over me that night. He laughed out loud and asked me to meet him. When we met he rolled his eyes and said, "While I am honoured by your view of my big penis, I am never going to hurt you. We will take it slow, and as you like it."
We made out a month after the crying incident. Just as promised, we started slow with a bit of kissing, touching and feeling ourselves and took our time in becoming comfortable with each other’s bodies. The sex happened a few weeks after that. Although we had taken our time preparing for this round, we still fidgeted with our positions. The penetration did hurt and there was a whole lot of mess with the cum and the blood. But all the prepping, and our new-found comfort level, helped me sail through my first time rather smoothly.
I now laugh back at that experience and it is now a regular kissa at all my parties. I am so glad that my first time didn’t end being the cry fest it started out as. All credit to an understanding partner and some well-timed communication!
Names in the story have been changed. The person in the picture is a model.
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