will  you have sex with me
Shutterstock/Wirestock Creators/Persons in photo are models/Names changed.

How to ask for sex in a new relationship?

Sanjana and Rajeev have been in a relationship for six months. She is physically attracted to Rajeev and has been longing to go beyond a kiss or a hug. However, she is not sure how Rajeev would react or if he is even ready for it. Is it too soon to have sex for them? What words should she use exactly? She has many such questions in mind. If you too are wondering the same, read on.

Asking for sex in a new relationship can be a sensitive and potentially awkward topic. Here are some tips on how to approach the conversation:

  1. Timing is key: Timing is important when asking for sex in a new relationship. If you ask too soon, it may come across as presumptuous or pushy, and if you wait too long, your partner may feel like you're not interested. The best time to bring up the topic is when both of you feel comfortable and relaxed, and when you've established a good level of trust and intimacy.


  1. Be honest, respectful and straightforward: Be honest and direct when talking about your sexual desires. Avoid hinting at what you want, as this can be confusing and may lead to misunderstandings. Instead, be straightforward and clear about what you're looking for.  

Here are some respectful and consensual opening statements that you could consider when asking for sex in a relationship: 

  • "How do you feel about sex?
  • "Would you want to take our relationship to the next level with me, physically?
  • "I'd like to have more than a kiss and hug with you, do you feel ready?" 
  • "I've really enjoyed getting to know you and I feel a strong connection between us. I was wondering if you're open to taking our physical intimacy to the next level?"
  • "I have a lot of trust and respect for you, and I feel comfortable talking to you about my desires. Can we discuss our sexual boundaries and what we're both comfortable with?" 
  • "I'm feeling really attracted to you and I would love to explore a physical relationship. What are your thoughts on that?’
  • "I know this can be a sensitive topic, but I wanted to make sure we're on the same page about our sexual expectations in this relationship. Can we have an honest and open conversation about it?"


  1. Use "I" statements: When talking about your desires, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. This helps to avoid putting your partner on the spot and makes the conversation more about your feelings and less about them. For example, instead of saying "you need to be more adventurous in bed," you could say "I really enjoy exploring different sexual experiences, how do you feel about that?"


  1. Don’t blackmail them emotionally: Never ask for sex as ‘proof of love’ after they have said no to it. Don’t say things like - ‘don’t you trust me’ when it comes to having sex! If they seem uncomfortable, it's important to stop and check in with them, rather than pushing ahead. 


  1. Talk about contraception: First-time sex can be fun but to make sure it does lead to any unnecessary worries, talk about contraception before you take the plunge. Condoms are easy to get and can help in a quick developing situation. 


Remember, it's important to be clear, respectful, and sensitive when talking about sex in a relationship. If your partner is not ready, it's important to respect their decision and have open and honest communication about why they may not be comfortable with that at this time. By approaching the conversation with care and sensitivity, you can establish a strong foundation of trust and intimacy in your relationship.

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. 

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देखिये गोविन्द बेटा, अभी तो हमने ठीक कर दिया है, प्लीज अपनी भाषा का भी ध्यान रखिये, ok! और बेटा ये समझ लो कि किसी भी sexual activity के लिए दोनों partners कि बराबर मर्ज़ी का होना बेहद ज़रूरी है। सो यदि वो ऐसा करने से इन्कार कर भी रही है तो आपको उनकी इच्छा का सम्मान करना चाहिए इसलिए ज़रा इस ओर से ध्यान हटाकर अपने रिश्ते मे और सुन्दर चिज़े ढूंढिए और इसे और सुन्दर बनाए ok? https://lovematters.in/hi/making-love/ways-to-make-love/oral-sex-ecstasy-or-disgust यदि इस मुद्दे पर आप और गहरी चर्चा में जुड़ना चाहते हैं, तो हमारे डिस्कशन बोर्ड, "जस्ट पूछो" में ज़रूर शामिल हों. https://lovematters.in/en/forum
This is a very good and useful post. I really appreciate that it is out here to help young people along. However "be straightforward and clear about what you're looking for" is easier said than done. At the time of sexual debut especially, many people don't have all the words and ideas about what they wish to experience sexually, especially when they are kinky. Please have more content on negotiating and going over the entire menu of sexual behaviour (I know his pleasure, her pleasure etc is listed), but actually articulating preferences, and removing the 'intercourse as the main thing'/ 'conquest' for the guy, can't be emphasised enough.
Thats just great to know . Please do read and refer Dear, It will hugely help us. Thanks again. Keep in touch and keep healthy...If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our Facebook and Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/lovematters.india?mibextid=LQQJ4d https://instagram.com/lovemattersindia?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
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