Auntyji
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So drunk I don’t know if I had sex – what now?

By Auntyji Tuesday, May 14, 2013 - 07:30
Q: I may have had drunk sex at a party but I don’t remember anything. If it’s true, this was my first time sex ever. What should I do? -- Geetika Auntyji says... I know that this is a pretty big deal. You must have many unanswered questions and feel horribly confused.

Let’s go one step at a time and don’t let yourself get worked up.

I know it might sound like a cliché but you are not the only to go through this. These things happen all the time. Thank God that you’re fine because worse things can happen to people when they are so drunk.Now Geetika puttar you have to think very rationally. There are two broad possibilities. One is that the two of you had sex and the other is that you did not. No, I’m not stating the obvious but trying to break the situation down for a clearer picture.

Get checkedThere are two ways of solving this puzzle. One is that you try to think hard about that night’s events. I am sure at least some things will come back to you. The other option is that you ask the guy. If you come to believe that you could have had sex then it could have been in two scenarios. Either you had protected sex or not.If it’s the second scenario, you should definitely visit a trustworthy gynaecologist and get yourself checked for pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Love Matters’ partner FPA India will be able to help you directly or give you advice. Rabb kare there is nothing and you can at least put those doubts to rest.

First of all we need to think whether the guy took advantage of you or not. To try and find out, you will have to confront him very strategically. You should know that for any kind of sexual contact to happen, one of you had to be conscious.

Question himIt is highly unlikely for two absolutely drunk people to be able to have sex. And if you do not remember anything that means it has to be him. If he had sex with you and it was obvious to him that you were not able to give consent, then I’ll be blunt, that is rape. But of course, at the time you may felt or at least seemed quite enthusiastic, despite being very drunk.

When you confront the man, make sure you ask him the same question different ways. Usually if a person is lying they get caught. Again there is no right or wrong way to do this, you will have to judge the situation.

Think how you feelOf course, you haven’t told me about your relationship with this man. Was he some stranger you got together with on the night? Or was it a boyfriend, someone you feel close to? Someone you would want to have sex with again?

Even if he was your boyfriend he has to know clearly that you wanted to have sex before going ahead, otherwise it is rape. But if you are in a relationship it’s maybe more likely that the intimacy seemed natural and mutual. And you might feel different about the experience now.

If after you have considered all these things you feel you have been raped, you have every right to go to the police. Let’s not pretend that wouldn’t be a very difficult experience, but you might feel it’s something you need to do. If you feel that despite the blank in your mind you don’t feel you have been raped, then let go of what happened and look to the future.

Your choice is still to comeGeetika puttar I know all this talk of rape might sound scary but try to be strong. Yes, it was silly to get so drunk, but please don’t blame yourself for what happened. If you had sex without giving consent, it certainly wasn’t your fault. And whatever took place physically, for your emotional experience this was not really your first time sex. You can still enjoy that emotional experience in future in the circumstances you choose.

Last but not the least, Geetika puttar please share your troubles with a confidante. If you are not comfortable talking about this to your mother or sister, maybe talk to a friend or an aunt. But this is not something you should be dealing with all by yourself. Take good care of yourself and everything will be fine.

Let’s go one step at a time and don’t let yourself get worked up.

I know it might sound like a cliché but you are not the only to go through this. These things happen all the time. Thank God that you’re fine because worse things can happen to people when they are so drunk.Now Geetika puttar you have to think very rationally. There are two broad possibilities. One is that the two of you had sex and the other is that you did not. No, I’m not stating the obvious but trying to break the situation down for a clearer picture.

Get checkedThere are two ways of solving this puzzle. One is that you try to think hard about that night’s events. I am sure at least some things will come back to you. The other option is that you ask the guy. If you come to believe that you could have had sex then it could have been in two scenarios. Either you had protected sex or not.If it’s the second scenario, you should definitely visit a trustworthy gynaecologist and get yourself checked for pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Love Matters’ partner FPA India will be able to help you directly or give you advice. Rabb kare there is nothing and you can at least put those doubts to rest.

First of all we need to think whether the guy took advantage of you or not. To try and find out, you will have to confront him very strategically. You should know that for any kind of sexual contact to happen, one of you had to be conscious.

Question himIt is highly unlikely for two absolutely drunk people to be able to have sex. And if you do not remember anything that means it has to be him. If he had sex with you and it was obvious to him that you were not able to give consent, then I’ll be blunt, that is rape. But of course, at the time you may felt or at least seemed quite enthusiastic, despite being very drunk.

When you confront the man, make sure you ask him the same question different ways. Usually if a person is lying they get caught. Again there is no right or wrong way to do this, you will have to judge the situation.

Think how you feelOf course, you haven’t told me about your relationship with this man. Was he some stranger you got together with on the night? Or was it a boyfriend, someone you feel close to? Someone you would want to have sex with again?

Even if he was your boyfriend he has to know clearly that you wanted to have sex before going ahead, otherwise it is rape. But if you are in a relationship it’s maybe more likely that the intimacy seemed natural and mutual. And you might feel different about the experience now.

If after you have considered all these things you feel you have been raped, you have every right to go to the police. Let’s not pretend that wouldn’t be a very difficult experience, but you might feel it’s something you need to do. If you feel that despite the blank in your mind you don’t feel you have been raped, then let go of what happened and look to the future.

Your choice is still to comeGeetika puttar I know all this talk of rape might sound scary but try to be strong. Yes, it was silly to get so drunk, but please don’t blame yourself for what happened. If you had sex without giving consent, it certainly wasn’t your fault. And whatever took place physically, for your emotional experience this was not really your first time sex. You can still enjoy that emotional experience in future in the circumstances you choose.

Last but not the least, Geetika puttar please share your troubles with a confidante. If you are not comfortable talking about this to your mother or sister, maybe talk to a friend or an aunt. But this is not something you should be dealing with all by yourself. Take good care of yourself and everything will be fine.

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Comments
preeti gupta
Tue, 09/09/2014 - 07:43
I boozed with my teacher and I had more than 7 pegs,after that we had sex.He was my teacher,I used to respect him alot.but last night intentionally he made me drunk and when I got fully sloshed he started seducing me and than eventually we had sex.than next morning when I regained my senses and I tried to recall the memory of the previous night,I few memories only I recalled and I was ashamed of myself ,m guilty.then I thought it happened with my consent so I told sir that sir see whatever happened let's forget it and we will not repeat it further he agreed.Then at that afternoon I recalled few more memories of the previous night and I got to know that he made the use of alcohol just to have sex with me.and now m feeling like being raped.I am so damn ashamed of myself.I just can't concentrate on anything.I can't go to the police because my mom and dad they are very aged they won't be able to accept it.I can't sleep ,I can't eat,I became so depressed and so upset.I am feeling like committing suicide.
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