I think she wants me to enter into some kind of relationship with her. She even asked if I have a girlfriend. She's very gorgeous and great company. Should I go ahead? Help! Vikram (24), Ludhiana
Auntyji says... Beta Vikram, these days I am hearing this question so often. All you young lads seem to be meeting this bhaabhi or aunty or didi, hain? Is it for real or are you all imagining this?Chalo beta, let's go over this, for your sake and for the sake of all the other young people reading this.
Power equationSo here is this sexy 40-year-old lady line-maraaoing at you. She makes you feel important and you start to think, “Well if she is ready, what's my problem?” Right?
OK, so let's give this picture a bit of background. Here is this in-control woman, someone who has power, who has the guts, who is better settled than you and is more experienced than you. She thinks, “I need better sex, let me call this kiddo. Let him serve my needs.” Are you OK with that?
Back-up planBetaji this is a double-edged sword. You might think you have nothing to lose. Well, in any relationship if the power and control is tilted so much in one person's favour, then you are pretty much under that person, not in the way you may like to be, but rather under their kabzaa! Want to be there?
Let's say you go ahead with bhaabhi. What if bhaiyaa finds out? What if she begins to ask you to come over even more often, asks you to do stuff you don’t want to, gets pregnant or says she's pregnant. What then ji? What if she begins to force you, blackmail you? Koi plan hai?
And another possibility, what if she falls in love with you? Says after three-six months, “Marry me. I will leave everything for you.” What's your plan then? And, what if you fall head-over-heels in love with her and want more of her time but she is ready to withdraw or has other family obligations? How will you deal or cope with that?
'Boy toy'Beta the thing basically is, if all the initiation is from one side – as in your case – and there is an element of cajoling, the relationship could be considered abusive. It could turn coercive and manipulative.
Now you may say, “No, I am an adult, I know all about sex and I am agreeing to what is being offered to me.” You may think, “Wow, I am getting to live the ultimate male fantasy, I am getting to do it with an older woman.” And she may be thinking, “Wow, a 24-year-old guy is my boy toy.” What do you feel about that?
TrickyIf you agree to these terms, then you should remember that you are also agreeing to all the other possibilities – being used, being controlled and being there to fulfil someone else’s needs till the time they want you. You're OK with that?
Beta, be careful. It can be very exciting and equally tricky. Read and respond to each of the questions I have raised. Maybe that will give you something to think about.
And think with your brain, betaji, not the other body part that's getting you all excited about this! Samjhaa oye?
Send Auntyji an e-mail if you’d like advice about love, sex, relationships or anything in between.