Aunty ji
Love Matters India

My gf is not a virgin. Help!

By Auntyji Thursday, August 24, 2017 - 12:30
Hello Auntyji, I can’t get it out of my mind that my girlfriend is not a virgin. What should I do? Raghav, 24 years, Indore.

Auntyji says...‘Oh ho! Well, full marks for honesty Raghav -- at least you are courageously saying what you feel. Let’s speak more.’

For the first time

Sure beta, there is something to be said for first time experiences. Your first job, your first day at school, your first stage performance -- ityadi! But beta, come think of this -- it will be a first time for you and for her too and I am sure you both will treasure the moment forever. But if you want to mix it up with suspicion and mistrust, then all the mazaa is gone, beta. When we meet and get attracted to someone -- do we do a blood group check, a hemoglobin count, BP, diabetes -- no na ? Then why is this a concern? Such a big issue, in that tiny piece of tissue!

Not the first

Achcha sunn. I somehow feel that you may have a sense of regret that you were not the ‘first’ one she had sex with. But why such an expectation beta? Why do many men expect that their girlfriends and wives must be virgins from the Victorian Era? Aisa kya hai ji? So she has had sex before, you know that. All I want to ask is -- what’s the big deal? She is with you now, is she not? Is it even fair that all her worth gets washed away and all the reasons you love and feel attracted to her get annulled, once she declares her sexual history?

Factory packed

Beta, sach baat to yeh hai that generally people want a ‘seal pack’-- be it a phone or a girl. But asal baat to yeh hai ki a girl s not a phone, a battery or a jam jar, which you will be the first one to force open and only then will you feel, ‘Yes, this is a genuine item!’ May work for a water bottle, not for a woman! Achcha, tell me one thing. Suppose she had not told you and just said, ‘my hymen broke while playing,’ which is a very regular experience; what then? Would you have still wanted the ‘khoon ka saboot?’ And you -- do you have any evidence to prove that you too are a ‘seal packed,’ ‘direct from factory’ delivery? This whole thing about virginity is very confusing. I will tell you why. Would it be acceptable that a partner has had, say, oral sex but not vaginal penetration then is that ‘virgin’ enough? Or are you actually saying -- s/he ought to have had no sexual experience at all?

Love is in the air

Beta, bask in the love you have, enjoy the person and her goodness. Be the sweethearts you are meant to be. Don’t judge the person by his past behaviour. After all, when we meet people we don’t really choose them on the basis of their sexual history sheet, do we? Neither do we expect anyone to ask us. Otherwise, betaji, you too would be sporting tee shirt which says something like, ‘Raghav, 23045638 times masturbator in last 3 years!! Still at it!’

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

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Comments
Hi auntyji I am in relationship with my gf from past 3 months and we both love each other so I decided to get engaged to her and 2 days before she got nervous and she admitted that she had her ex bf and she is not a virgin but when I asked her why don't you said me before even after I was asking about past she said she was afraid. Now I have accepted her but in my mind all is the image of her past she spend with her ex bf and I can't sleep as it's kills me .. plz help me auntyji what should I do .. really need to go out of this
Hi, Mahesh beta. Your fiancee has been honest to you about her sexual history. She could have easily decided to not tell you but she chose honesty. So, she is being upfront with you. You should appreciate it. However, if you can't accept it and you think you will keep taunting her for this, it might be wise to make an excuse and get out of this relationship. https://lovematters.in/en/making-love/my-gf-is-not-a-virgin-help If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Akash bete, hymen can be torn or stretched in lots of ways without having any kind of sex, like any Sports such as cycling, horse riding, etc. Bleeding during first time because of hymen, is not certain thing. Clear your doubts read more here: https://lovematters.in/en/resource/faqs-hymen-and-virginity If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, ‘Just Ask’ https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Ji nahi, Sashi bete. Ismein koi sachchai nahi hain. First time sex mein har mahila ko bleeding nahi hoti. Apne man se doubt clear kijiye aur yeh padhiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/faqs-hymen-and-virginity Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Mam mera aur mere gf ka relation 1 sal se hai hum log shadi ke bhi soch rahe the per muje 2 din phale pata chala wo virgin nahi hai me bhut pareshan hu usne muje nahi bataya tha mujhe uske friend se hint mili mene use force kia tho usne man liya ab me kya karu jab bhi me kuch sochta hu uske past kr bat samne aa hate hai
Bete Abhi- Do batein, ek toh yeh ki agar aapko yeh baat theek nahi lag rahee hai toh jyada sochiye mat na unhe kisi andehre mein rakhiye. Is rishte par viraam lagaiye. Doosri baat dekho bete har kisi ka ek past hota hai, yeh unka chunav tha ki who aapko batati ya nahi batati. Ek rishte mein present and future par focus hona chahiye na ki past par. Ek rishte mein pyar, viswash ek doosre ke liye izzat ka hoa zaruri hai. Sochiye, samjhiye ki aap kya chahte hain aur jald ek nirnya lijiye- Unko kisi tarah se neecha dikhana, jhagda bilkul theek nahi Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Mera bf mjhse bhut pyar krta h nd Mai usse .BT usse ohle Mera ek bf aur the jisse Mai physical thi but only one time ..mere dusre wale bf v mere sth ek bar physicalho cuka h .phle usne shadi k liye bola th .bt JB vo jaaan gy meresath physical hoker ki Mai vergin NH..to mjhse ye kahta h ki..Mai tjhse sirf lv KR skta hu..shadi nh kyunki tum mjhse Milne se phle vergin NH th..Mai ky kru .mjhe bhut lv h usse ab vo mjhe chhod dusri se shadi KR rh .
Oh bête! Hum aapki pareshani samajh sakte hain ki aap kis paristhiti se gujar rahin hain, lekin ab jo hai so hai bête - ab ye sochiye ki iske aage aapko kaise badhna hai. Aapke is bf ko aapke virgin nahi hone ka pata chal gaya aur ab wo dusri ladki se shadi kar rahen hai – kya aise insaan ke saath apni poori zindgi bitana chahte hain? Jo aapko ain mauke par dhoka de de? aur agar sex ho bhi gaya toh kon si badi baat hai? Aur ek baat bête yadi unhone shadi karne ka wada kane ke baad aapse physical relation banaya aur shadi se inkaar kar rahe hai toh ye gairkanuni hai aur yadi aap chahen toh kisi achchhe wakeel se mil kar iske bare mein kanuni madad bhi le sakti hain. Saath hi jab ek rishta ek makaam tak aa ke ruk jaata hai, toh use phir shuru karna ya us per hee tike rehana shayed itnee samjhdaari nahin. Aap yeh bhi kar sakti hain ki - aage badhiye, naye kadam uthaiye, naye aur purane dost dhoondhiye, films, music, koi hobbies. Jaise ki unhone keeya hai. Apni zindigi jeene mein utar jaiye. All the best. https://lovematters.in/en/news/shes-avoiding-me-now-what https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-get-over-a-break-up-a-proven-technique https://lovematters.in/en/love-and-relationships/she-never-said-no-but-she-meant-so Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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