My first kiss sucked

“My first kiss sucked”

“I was 18 when I had my first kiss,” says Samanth. He was terrified about doing it right because she was his closest friend and he wanted to start dating her ‘officially’. “Like a total idiot I rushed. She pulled away and didn't say a thing.”

Samanth (not his real name) is a 22-year-old student in Delhi. His story is part of our First Times series.

We met each other for the first time in the weirdest, most awkward way. Our seniors, the third year students, were ragging a group of us during the orientation week in college and she was asked to make a ‘romantic’ proposal of marriage to me as a dare.

She was really scared and I was really embarrassed but we all ended up laughing about it for weeks. So basically she had to go down on one knee in full Hollywood style, offer me a red rose and ask me if I would please accept her gift of love and marry her.

Sexual tension
We kind of bonded over the experience and after six months of us hanging out, we were practically seeing each other. Of course it was never official, we hadn't kissed, we hadn't even held hands. But we were spending all our time together in college and outside and she used to get super jealous if I spent too much time with other girls.

I was totally tortured by the sexual tension that was building up. I desperately wanted to kiss her and make out with her. I knew she liked me but I was worried about scaring her away.

Paranoid
I really wanted to get out of the best friend phase and take things to the next level. So I planned to make things official over dinner in a ‘real restaurant’ and kiss her on the way back home

The week leading up to the dinner was total torture. I was paranoid, I felt she knew exactly what was on my mind. It was like being on a roller-coaster – I went from excitement to anxiety within minutes.

Slap
What if she wanted to be just friends? What if she agrees to date me and then dumps me because I couldn't kiss well?

Everything seemed to revolve around the damned kiss. I played out disastrous kissing scenarios in my head all week long.

I move to kiss her, she turns her face and I plant an open mouth kiss on her nose instead. I reach in to kiss her, she moves away covering her nose because my breath stinks. I kiss her, she slaps me and walks away.

Disaster
My nervousness was out of control. The day we were supposed to go out I must have brushed my teeth at least five times. I pretty much emptied out half a bottle of deodorant – you know, the kind that's supposed to make you irresistible to women.

Dinner was a disaster. I couldn't get myself to ‘ask her out’, I couldn't eat much because I kept thinking of the ride back to her hostel and my plans of kissing her.

I decided to splurge and drop her back in a cab and halfway close to her hostel I had my first kiss. She was asking me why I had been behaving so strangely over dinner and like a total idiot I rushed at her and kissed her. She pulled away and didn't say a thing.

On a roll
And then she moved towards me to kiss me back, our lips barely touched for a few seconds but the butterflies in my stomach went on an overdrive.

So my first kiss sucked but sometime during the next fifteen minutes I had my third, fourth and fifth kiss. I was on a roll and it felt like I was getting better with every try.

How was your first kiss? Or is it still to come, and you're nervous about it? Leave a comment here or join the discussion on Facebook.

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