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Love Matters India

I fantasise about my wife’s friend while making out with her, is it ok?

By Auntyji Thursday, May 3, 2018 - 10:30
Hi Auntyji, I fantasise about my sister-in-law or my wife's friends while having sex with her. I do not think sexually about them otherwise. Is this ok? Chaitanya, 29, Ujjain.

Auntyji says, ‘Beta ji, luckily others can’t exactly read our thoughts. Thanks to all our Gods, hain ji?’

Does your mind, matters?

Well, on the one hand, beta, it’s only a thought in your mind. How could it harm anyone? So what’s wrong with that?  But beta, there is a bit of a fine line here as well. As always, everything in life has do pehlu.

Fantasy is a funny thing beta. At one level it's just fine. In fact sometimes even suggested as a ‘spruce up’ one’s sex life. On the other hand, it can also be an intrusion into your relationship.

Too close for comfort

Now your big issue Chaitanya is that Boss, you are ‘choosing’ women too close to home, literally. Koi star-waar hoti, we would not have such an issue at hand. Sisters in law, friends of the Mrs – they are ‘real life’ people. They are ladies and women you meet and greet every day.  

While you say afterward you don’t see them sexually but clearly, they are sexually attractive to you in some way or the other.  Some sort of ‘selection’ process is happening there, is it not? Now the thing is that your brain is looking at them as a ‘sex ke paatr. It is not as ‘harmless’ as you are thinking.

A thin line

Some people consider thinking about other people during sex or using other people as ‘fantasy’ during sex – as infidelity or dhokha. Some people even feel insulted that, ‘am I not good enough?’ While others feel ‘used’. Yeh bhi legit baatien hain. Isn’t it?

On the other hand, some partners may not even know. Or if they do, they are ok with this and may want to encourage this – voluntarily. Baat woh hee hui na... as long as it doesn’t harm or hurt your partner – it’s fine.

Garam masala ka tadka

Ab baat yeh hai – ki what to do. To begin with, actively work on getting some serious action back into your own sex life.  Try role plays, acting out scenes, or some products like candles, reshmi sheets. Indulge into something you both find really sexy.

Get some garam masala ka tadka in your sex life – not in your bedroom though! Haahah – but yes you can try food products that don’t cause any harm as well. For eg: chocolate, ice cream, honey etc. But be careful to use them on your bodies, not in them!

And finally, substitute the saheils and bhabhis with some neutral persons – like a person far removed, a film star, a random person you saw on the street or a long-lost associate (better lost)! Is tarah. Ok?

The golden rule of sex and partnership is that there cannot be any harm or hurt to the other partner – neither bodily or emotionally. If they are ok then everything is fine and everything is jayaz if it is keeping the norms of adult consensual relationships in mind.

No one has the right to tell us what we do in our own bedrooms or kitchens or any other room, for that matter. This is between partners, entirely!

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person in the picture is a model.

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Hi,beta. Good afternoon! We don't recommend using those. Getting dependent on these can make it difficult to have sex without the tablets. If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, ‘Just Ask’
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