*Rohan, 23, is a software engineer in Pune. He shared his story with our LM writer.
Attraction both ways
*Mira and I had been the best of friends since college but it was just a week ago that I had finally confessed my love to her. I knew she was attracted to me too, even if she never said so.
We had been exchanging a lot of erotic messages lately. That afternoon, we planned to meet at Mira’s place while her parents were away.
However, the afternoon did not quite go the way we had anticipated.
It hurt the first time
When I reached her house, we almost pounced on each other on the living room couch.
She started kissing me all over and I was so hard I thought I would explode! We were exploring each other’s bodies. Just when I was deep inside her I started to hurt. I withdrew, still feeling the pain.
Looking down I was horrified to see blood on my penis. Initially, I thought it was Mira but then we realised it was I who was bleeding.
It was painful. I was put off and yes, it was scary!
Awkward, embarrassed, disgusted
The afternoon did not quite go the way we had thought it would. I was awkward and embarrassed. Mira didn’t quite know how to react. I felt she was a little disgusted but did not want to show it.
My penis hurt and I had messed up my trousers. I thought it was best to leave and made a quick exit. That night I lay awake, restless and scared and unable to sleep. I feared something was wrong with me.
‘What if I had contracted some horrible sexual disease? What if I could never have sex properly?’ Such horrific thoughts tormented me all night.
And the second time as well
Mira tried to comfort and pacify me over the phone the next day. We met again that evening, this time at my place.
Mira came over as she often did. We went upstairs to my room on the pretext of working on my client brief together. My parents were quite fond of her.
At first we tried to act normal like before, watched some TV, caught up on some office gossip. Soon we were kissing hard and I had slipped my hands under her shirt. Mira had her arms wrapped around me too. We were soon on the rug, on the floor.
I went into her, gently. I felt the adrenaline rush through my entire body. And then I felt the pain. Just like the previous day. I wanted to stay in but it really hurt. I withdrew and felt blood on my penis, again.
This time I was terribly scared. I held Mira tight.
We decided I must visit the doctor the next day, which I did. That night I stayed up again and read up whatever I could online, about what was happening to me.
Not dying a virgin
The visit to the doctor the next day revealed that what happened to my penis was just a frenulum tear that can be dealt with and was nothing to be scared of.
And much to my relief, I was assured that it would not permanently affect my sex life and I wasn’t going to die a virgin!
Through thick and thin
Meanwhile, this episode brought bring Mira and I even closer. We realised how deeply we cared for each other. It was not just that we were physically attracted to each other. We wanted to be with each other, through thick and thin – as well as a bit of torn skin!
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.