The more you care about her needs, the better rewards will come back your way. Despite what they all say, I still believe that love and sex are all about mutual benefits.
The good news is that masturbating or ‘fingering’ your girlfriend is rather simple. Just take good care of three things. Make sure she is lubricated enough lubrication. Be sensitive to how she is responding. And find the right places, tempo and amount of pressure to please her.
So let’s talk about the lubrication first. Like most other things in life, natural is the way to go. So stimulate her senses, get her in the mood and let her juices flow. Don’t dive straight for her private parts. Start off by kissing, and caressing her all over, move to her breasts, her nipples, and then work your way downwards… For a little preparation, you can explore her body here first.
If she's turned on but still doesn’t seem slippery enough, use a lubricant or just lick your fingers.
Now, be ready to watch her reactions very closely. Listen to her breathing the noises she makes, and feel how her body is moving. If she’s sighing and moaning and moving her body in rhythm with your caresses, you are probably doing it right.
Ask her if she likes what you're doing. Or take her hand and encourage her to show you.
So, how to begin? Slowly rub and stroke around her vulva - that's her clitoris, her labia, and the entrance to her vagina. Her clitoris (click on the link if you’re not sure where to find it) will be her most sensitive spot. You can compare it to the head of your penis. It’s the place that will bring her to an orgasm.
But go carefully - for some women it can be too sensitive to touch directly! She might prefer you to rub around, underneath or beside it.
Once she really starts enjoying it, she might like you to put a finger in her vagina as well. You can slip in a finger just below her clitoris a little way inside her vagina, or she might prefer you to go in more deeply. Judge her reaction to see if she’d like you to put two fingers inside her. Or if you need to change your pace or rhythm.
But don’t forget that just thrusting your finger in and out of her vagina will probably not bring her to a climax unless you’re also stroking her clitoris. And don’t forget to keep caressing her breasts and the rest of her body too.
Lips and tongue
If you want to make it special for her, use your lips and tongue instead of hand and fingers. Licking her clitoris is likely to be a winner. In a very unscientific survey, three of my nieces tell me they achieved 100 percent orgasm rate with oral sex.
Once again, the really important part is to know what she really wants. Before you crack it, I would agree with you that no man really knows what women want. Because you guys never ask. So ask your girlfriend what’s working for her and what’s not. Take her feedback seriously and apply it. Remember you’re doing this for her and not just to turn yourself on.
Patience and practice
Don’t worry if you don’t get it just right straight away. You need to get her in the mood and find the right rhythm for her – it takes patience and practice to find what works best for her. Luckily, you will enjoy practising!
But Shyam beta, the important thing is that you’re taking the first step and want to please your girlfriend. I’m sure with your good, though naughty, intentions, you’ll eventually reach success and a lot many orgasms. Rab rakha ji.
This article was first published on 12/03/2013.