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‘He would want more this time’

By Meghna Bajpai Tuesday, May 14, 2019 - 12:40
Rashi asked Yuvika if she should have sex with Karan. She felt unsure because she had only recently met him in Goa. Is a good first impression a green light for sex? Yuvika tells Love Matters India how Rashi made her decision.

*Yuvika, 24, has just finished her masters in English from Delhi University.

The perfect man?

It was just like any other morning when Rashi, my flatmate, walked into my room for a chat as we got dressed for college. I had known her only briefly but I had a feeling that she was trying to ask me something.

After casually chatting about our day ahead, Rashi said she was a bit worried about something and wasn’t sure how to share it with me. I told her she could trust me and that I would try my best to help.

Rashi had met Karan in Goa last month. They clicked and shared great chemistry. They spent the night together strolling on the beach and also shared a perfectly-timed kiss. It felt really good and she was elated. She had a glow on her face while she was describing her experience but slowly it faded away.

Taking the plunge

Karan was coming to Delhi soon to meet her. Rashi was worried that another date with him won’t end with just a kiss and that he would want more. She asked me what should she do.

She looked at me in the hope that I would give her a way forward. But all I could think about was my own first experience. So before answering her question I shared my story with her.

I told her about my dates with Sameer and how we had decided on just casual dates with no strings attached because I wasn’t ready for any attachment or commitments.

Perfect first-time?  

Sameer and I met a couple of times and decided to get physical, with my consent.  My first-time sex experience was quite satisfying but the only thing missing at the time were emotions.

He really liked me but I had no feelings for him. I was in the relationship just for good sex and soon I broke up with him.

Contrary to what I did, I had always imagined myself as having sex with someone I knew well and would have had feelings for.

I told Rashi that reality of first-time sex is different for everyone. To each their own. But, no matter who you have it with – first-time sex is never perfect.

Her body, her choice

I made my experience sound as funny as possible to ease her anxiety. She sat there listening and laughing, but my only aim was to prepare her mind if she decided to go for it.

I was nobody to tell her what was right or wrong for her.  After our conversation, we got dressed and left for college.

Not yet

After a week Rashi again knocked at my door. I knew she had made her decision.

‘I don’t think I am ready for it yet. I don’t feel very confident about my body. So I will wait to be with a man who I feel really strongly about and someone who would help me be comfortable in my own skin’, she said.

She thanked me for the chat I had with her and how it made her feel comfortable sharing her thoughts with Karan as well. She was happy that Karan understood her fears and was ready to meet her just casually for a coffee date.

Peer pressure

At my college, many women have had sex with a random guy or even their boyfriends just to prove that they could do it or just to be accepted by their friends who acted superior just because they had done it.  

I felt happy for Rashi knowing that she was not in that race. She knew what she was looking for and it’s not easy to find that peace in your head.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

Have you ever felt pressured to be in a relationship? Comment below or share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

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