The author wishes to remain anonymous. Views expressed in this blog are not necessarily endorsed by Love Matters.
It took me a really long time to admit that I loved having sex. Much like a lot of us, I grew up believing sex was ‘dirty’ and ‘shameful’. When I made my sexual debut, I felt guilty that I gave up something my future partner might have liked. But I couldn’t stop myself from having sex with multiple partners. It made me feel good. I was conflicted.
Soon I realised that there were many negative perceptions about it in society. Some true but others mostly exaggerated by people’s desire to police our genitals.
Myth 1: You’re ‘used’, ‘not good enough’ for future partners
I beg to differ. I like to think I’m better, simply because I’m much more aware of my sexuality and other people’s. Vaginas are elastic, they don’t get stretched limitlessly or lose their shape. The idea of a woman’s virginity preserved by the hymen is also a huge myth, and not as common knowledge depicts it to be.
Myth 2: You have no class or self-respect
On the contrary, I have a lot of self-respect. That is why I don’t define my worth by the number of people I’ve had sex with. What does class mean to anyone? Except the individual involved? I am not having sex with people I don’t want to have sex with. People I have sex with have indeed passed the bar.
Myth 3: You do not appreciate your or other’s body
I was never made to feel unattractive for having a normal, non-polished body. My partners have never made comments about my body – whether I was hairy, had tons of stretch marks or scars.
Similarly, I learned to appreciate the wide diversity in the bodies of other people as well. I’ve been with all sorts – skinny, lean, curvy, hairy etc. – and I’ve found bodies of all these types attractive. I find it thrilling to be able to explore the uniqueness of a new body type.
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Myth 4: You’ll get many STDs
True, the chances of acquiring STDs may be increased because of a larger number of partners. But it is absolutely not a conclusive factor. As long as you’re having safe sex – proper use of condoms, getting tested regularly and being honest with your partners, you will most likely be safe.
It is possible for a monogamous couple to get an STD as well. Their previous partners may have infected them without prior knowledge. For example, an infection like Chlamydia causes no symptoms in most people infected and thus goes ignored.
Now here are some facts that have enriched my life because of casual sex:
Fact 1: You know what you like sexually
Casual sex has most definitely improved my knowledge about what I like in bed (or on the floor, or on the table). Just having a lot of sex helps. I am also much more open minded to new ideas, and more willing to accommodate the preferences of my partners.
Fact 2: You have improved communication skills
No one knows your body as well as you do, and no one can tell your partner about it as well as you can. The more casual sex I’ve had, the less squeamish I’ve become about discussing this, leading to a much more enjoyable experience. Since I don’t feel possessive about physical intimacy, I end up being much more open about talking things through.
Casual sex is not for people who prefer exclusivity when it comes to physical intimacy. And that is absolutely okay. Of course you should do only what you feel comfortable with. Just make sure you don’t judge people who make different choices about their own bodies.