AuntyJi
Love Matters India

My bf wants us to have sex but I am not ready!

By Auntyji Thursday, November 16, 2017 - 20:13
Hi Auntyji. My boyfriend has been trying to convince me to get physical. But I don’t feel quite ready yet. I can see he is beginning to get irritable. What should I do? Meena, 19, Jaipur.

Auntyji says ‘Oh ho! Meena, may be we have to rewind a little bit beta. As they say, ‘Shuru se shuru kartey hain.’

Whose right is it anyway?

Puttar, yeh batao, why should you agree? Why should you say ‘yes’ to his demand or say, request for sex? He wants sex but you don’t – ab kya karein? Who has to agree to whom – aap bolo? Betaji, this is dabaav and a not so fair baat.

Meena bete, no one should make us do anything we don’t want to. Tell me one thing. Let’s say you are a vegetarian. Can he ‘convince’ you to eat meat? You have a wonderful head of hair, can he  'convince' you to shave it off?  Nahi na, now apply the same to sex.

Pushing you away

Now he is constantly telling you to have sex and you are repeatedly saying no to your advances. What do you think can happen? And this is the bit you need to explain to your boyfriend.

If he keeps demanding sex, before you feel ready, it will become emotionally exhausting for you and that he may lose you, the person, in his quest. If he doesn't understand that puttarji, perhaps it's time for you to really rethink your relationship.

On equal terms

Sex is important in any intimate relationship, agreed. But only if both of you are equally ready, keen, relaxed and clear about it. This is called consent. If you have thought about it and feel ready to go ahead, can this be considered participation, sehmati and razamandi, which is must for any sexual intimacy.   

Another argument you may hear from your boyfriend, ‘All other girls in your group are doing it why can’t you?’ Because everyone is different! It’s simple! Meena, I hear so many girls ‘complain’, ‘he is forcing me for sex’. Not always in any clear way but exactly like this – by requesting, by suggesting, by using this as a ‘test of love’.

Girls feel pressured and often give in because they don’t want to lose their boyfriend, their partner and they are also under tremendous peer pressure. But is this consent really? Is this your real decision or are you ‘agreeing’ under a kind of force, some fear of losing something close to you?

Test it out

Why don’t you give your boyfriend a little test of love? Ask him if he loves you and can wait till you are ready – chahe sex ho na ho. Can he? Can he forget about sex and win you over as a best friend, a partner, a sweetheart – and adore you for the person. Can he convince yourself to be with you for the person you are not as a sex participant?

Meena, do you want to remember this phase as one where you enjoyed the warmth of a relationship or a period where you got forced into something you didn’t want? Do you want a man who you can love for years – or a man who you want to forget as a bura sapna? Try it Meena and let’s see how he fares in this ‘test of love’. Maybe you will find out that none of this is worth your while.

Has your partner been coaxing you for sex? Share your experience with Love Matters in the comment section of this page or on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please visit our discussion forum - Let’s Talk

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Comments
The size of penis has nothing to do with masturbation. Sorry but there's no way to increase the size of penis. Read here: https://lovematters.in/en/resource/penis-shapes-and-sizes https://lovematters.in/en/news/penis-top-five-facts https://lovematters.in/en/news/worried-your-penis-too-small https://lovematters.in/en/news/what-women-penis If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
We understand that this can be hard but remember, if you are not ready, you are obligated to do it just because he wants it. Read the article for help: https://lovematters.in/en/making-love/my-bf-wants-us-to-have-for-sex-but-i-am-not-ready If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
We understand that this can be hard but remember, if you are not ready, you are obligated to do it just because he wants it. Read the article for help: https://lovematters.in/en/making-love/my-bf-wants-us-to-have-for-sex-but-i-am-not-ready If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Bete puchhiye, kya puchhna chahti hain?? Aap apni samasya yaha, hamen likh sakti hain, hum poori koshish karenge, aapko sahi salah dene ki. Yadi aap kisi bhee mudde par humse gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Beta jee, sabse pehel toh yeh bata doon ki Pyaar se koi nahin mara aaj tak – bhookh, pyaas, suicide se shayed ye ho jaaye… ya phir jaise duniya ne pathar se majnu ko maar daala. Aur sabse badi baat ye bhi sochna ki aapke bf aisee baten kyun kar rahe hain?? Ye kaun sa pyar hai, bete? Jahan jine ki nahi, marne ki baat ho rahi hai!! Kya aapko ye thik lagata hai? Please har tarah se vichaar kijiye aur ek sahi nirnay lijiye. Theek hai bête! Ise bhee pdhiye: https://lovematters.in/en/resource/love-and-relationships Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Dekhiye bete! Kisi bhi sexual activity mein ek cheez bohot hi important hai woh hai dono logo ki sehmati. Yadi aap abhi is baat ke liye sehmat nahi hain toh unhe bhi force nahi kana chahiye. Yeh jaaiz demand nahin. Aur bhi activities hai jo aap try kar sakte hain. Is baare mein yaha padhein: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/making-love https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/meeting-someone/saying-no https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/do-indian-men-not-understand-consent Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum

Please is link ko padhe- https://lovematters.in/hi/safe-or-unsafe-sex-guidelines-hindi

 

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