The right age for sex
Earlier this year, I google-searched, ‘When is the right time to have sex?’ Having had a huge crush on Kartik Aaryan, I imagined kissing him wildly while taking long showers. My body was changing and it was wanting things that it had never wanted before. Desires of being touched and touching someone else were becoming the reasons for my tossing and turning in bed at night.
Catching myself checking out the toned bodies of boys in the school playground, my cheeks would get flushed deep red, partly in coyness and also in embarrassment. The more I tried to ignore my body’s sexual hints, the more eagerly they jumped at me.
I need help
I decided to reach out to my cousin Anita, who also happens to be a counsellor. She has always been my go-to person since childhood. My trusted adult. However, this time, I timidly asked questions about my sexual urges. She assured me that what I felt and wanted was pretty normal for my age - that sex wasn’t a bad thing at all! That it’s alright to be sexually attracted to others.
All my questions about watching porn and masturbating were answered kindly and with immense patience. Even my stupid questions like, ‘Would I be going to hell if I do sex without getting married?’ was dealt with so much gentleness.
She brushed off my uneasiness saying, ‘Aastha, when done with the right person, sex is one of the most heavenly things on Earth. And no, you don’t have to be married to enjoy sex. But you do have to be 18 years old for any sexual act to be legal.’ Before long, it became easy for me to understand my body and its various sexual needs.
Crush at first sight
Soon after, I met Rishi, a stunning college senior, two years older than me. Rishi and I have been together for 6 months now. We met at a live-music cafe where I was celebrating my 18th birthday. He was there, singing in a charming voice that instantly lured my heart and soul.
While on my way out of the cafe, I took a photograph of the flexi having Rishi’s picture and name on it. With my ninja search skills, I found his Instagram account and after gathering much-needed courage, dropped him a text saying, ‘I was at the cafe where you performed a gig the other day. I love the way you sing. If it isn’t too creepy and if you are single, would you like to go out on a coffee date with me?’
Hostel, cinema and parks
‘Mocha or Cappuccino?’, he texted back in less than 30 seconds. The perfect coffee date soon turned into romantic dinners. While hanging out, he would hold my hands and suddenly I would lose all my senses. It felt good to be loved, cared for and touched.
Like any whirlwind romance, we would steal kisses in his hostel room, cinema halls and parks. Rishi never imposed himself on me. He asked for my consent every single time before touching me, caring deeply about how I felt about his every move.
Sexting each other, and saying naughty things in written words that we couldn’t say to each other’s faces was both fun and exhilarating. I sent him clips of sex videos that I enjoyed, mostly movie scenes that I found sensual and intense. He too responded by asking questions and revealing his sexual fantasies. The no-judgement policy worked well, there was no shame involved between the two of us.
Going all the way
Rishi and I wanted to go all the way with each other. After much deliberation, he booked a room at a good hotel and surprised me with my favourite lilies. After one hour of us talking, giggling and flirting with each other all our clothes quickly dropped onto the floor, one by one.
We were struggling to take even breaths as our lips and tongues thrust into one another with longing and bodily cravings. Our hands were all over each other enjoying every bit of it. I was in a trance. I didn’t want this feeling to end.
Family in the middle
But the moment he pulled out a condom, something happened to me. I, without thinking for even half a second, told Rishi Immediately, ‘No. I am not ready for this!’. Rishi must have been confused by my sudden change of mood, but to my surprise, he didn’t show any signs of disappointment or frustration. He asked me calmly, ‘Is it okay if we hug each other in bed and take a short nap together? We can try sex some other time.’
And that’s what we did that day, just hugged each other delicately and took a short nap together.
The next morning, I video-called my best friend, Sameera and I discussed what had happened the day before. Sameera advised me to talk to Anita.
Anita asked me about my fears. I sheepishly told her, ‘I am scared to let my family down. They didn’t raise me to engage in something immoral like this.’ Anita, after thinking for a moment, that felt like a lifetime to me, said, ‘Aastha, anything that isn't harmful to others and is done to fulfil your valid needs isn’t immoral. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Of course, if you don’t want to do it then don't. But if you do want to do it, then do it without any stigma and don’t forget to use protection.’
That sexy lingerie
This conversation filled me with a lot of confidence. I always liked sexy lingerie, so I bought black lacy lingerie underwear to self-admire my body and after booking the hotel room myself, asked Rishi to meet me there.
Oh boy! I still haven't forgotten the look on Rishi’s face when he saw me in my black lingerie. He grabbed me by my waist and we had an evening full of oral and penetrative sex that was super heady, to say the least.
So if someone asks me, ‘Was I too eager to have sex?' My answer would be, once I was mentally and physically prepared for it, then I was at absolutely the right time for you to enjoy sex. We shouldn’t feel peer-pressured and take help when we find ourselves in confusion and chaos.’
Another quick piece of advice– maybe start with some sex toys and understand what you enjoy so that you are more transparent with your partner about your sexual needs and desires.
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.