I feel attracted to older women, help!

Auntyji says, ‘Puttar ji, your problem seems unique. Let’s delve deeper into it!’

So you are getting turned on by older women. I am assuming that the sex you had with them was consensual - with their consent or razamandi. Chalo let’s talk. 

Hota hai! 

Puttar, usually people like to mingle with like minded people - who are in the same age group or think alike. That is the reason why we make good friends with someone who is more or less of the same age as you. That is also probably the reason why most people choose their life partners who are about the same age group - maybe a few years up and down! 

Now see your uncle ji - my husband - who else! He is two years older than me and we both love to talk about the same movies, same songs from our times. I won't tell you what movies though! You will guess we are from which era! Yes we talk about hamare zamane ke actors, singers and what not! Though I always tease him that I am the younger one and he is getting older! 

However, it’s not always necessary to like someone from your age only. Sometime we may like to spend time with someone who is much older than us or vice versa. Is it wrong? No, not at all. Hardly any problem! Hota hai!

Apna Bollywood is full of such examples. Apni Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas have an age gap of ten years. Nick looks happy, so does Priyanka. Same way Shahid Kapoor and Meera Rajput have an age gap of 14 years while Kareena and Saif too have an age gap of ten years. So yes, people have partners who are older than them.  No big deal! 

Consensual sex 

When it comes to sex, most people also prefer to have sexual relationships with someone of their age group. But there is nothing ‘wrong’ in having consensual sex with someone who is older than you. We are stressing on consent baar baar, because that is the most important factor in having sex with anyone of the legal age (18 in India). 

Your relationship with an older women is casual sex or fling (I am assuming this because you said you had sex not with one but many older women) but the women may or may not be of the same opinion. You might see them as flings but your partners might take them more seriously. So make your priorities clear right from the beginning. Be upfront about what you are looking for in a relationship with your partner, irrespective of the age. Never keep them in dark or have sex with them under false pretext. 

It is also important that no partner takes advantage of their age - or any other factor such as differences in financial situation or knowledge - to assert power or control over the other. ‘You have to do this. Because I am older than you, so I know better! Or since I earn the money, I’ve more say in the relationship than you’. So puttarji, age barabar ho na ho, rishta barabari hona chahiye! (Age may not be the same, both partners need to treat each other equally).

Stereotypes

I think quite a lot of you young folks started noticing women out of your usual age group. Often you might think that older women are more experienced and hence experts in carnal matters. Now this is a stereotype and one doesn't necessarily have to go by it. It may or may not be true! 

So Sameer, age doesn't matter – how you treat your partner is the key factor in any relationship. Most important thing is that you don’t force yourself on anyone and also don't participate in any sexual activity that you are not comfortable with.

Condoms and contraceptives

Like in any other relationship, consent and safe sex practices are a must. So just because she is older, don't expect her to teach you safe sex practices also. Be smart about it and use the right combination of condoms for safer sex and contraceptives to avoid unwanted pregnancy.

Now, I will stop giving you more gyan because your uncle ji has put on Amitabh-wali Don! I really don't want to watch again. I like SRK wali Don! He is an old soul, I tell you! 

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. This article was first published on July 17, 2012. 

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