Can I lose my virginity if he goes down on me?

Auntyji says...Lose and gain will happen beta only if we decide exactly what the loss is, pehle yeh to tay ho jaye?

What is sex?

So beta ji, the first question is – what do we consider as sex? Ek cheez to hai nahin. We all have a different understanding of sex – different experiences of sex. Then how can there be one understanding of virginity?

Now intercourse is understood as any sexual experience in which one’s sexual organs are involved in some way. Aur bhi zyada ‘clinical’ definition of a sexual encounter will be – if the genitalia is involved – be it alone or including someone else’s! Also the act is meant to give the person engaging in it some pleasure. So Sneha beta, woh to masturbation and porn is also providing.

In that case, oral sex is also sexual. To beta ji, phir to virginity gayee – the first time a woman gets sexually excited – the first time man gets an erection due to anything remotely sexual – bye bye virginity! It includes oral sex, mutual masturbation or even kissing!

Only a woman’s issue?

The issue with virginity beta is that it somehow has connotations of being a woman’s only issue and has some link with a vagina. We also assume that a certain penetration will be involved, most likely by a  penis and the most outdated concept of the breaking of a hymen in a woman.

That’s where we get it wrong betaji. If we go by ‘definitions’, which can differ from one person to another, a person who has had no sexual experience is a ‘virgin’. But have you ever heard a man lament, ‘I’ve lost  to you my sabse kimiti cheez!’ And that’s not an iPhone we are talking about! That’s because we think that virginity is somehow associated only to a woman and to the breaking of the poor hymen, which is the biggest virginity myth out there! Did you know betaji some women simply don’t have a hymen and for others, it breaks by driving a bicycle or shoot a basket into a hoop!

No labels needed

So Sneha, I can hear you thinking – ‘Auntyji batao toh – am I or am I not a virgin? Post oral sex?’ Wohi toh beta. The point is that virginity has a very little to do with a certain type of sexual practice or a body part or a small part of our body. It’s what you think and see yourself as.

If you feel you are ‘saving something’ by not having penetrative sex – well, that’s really a personal choice and decision. God knows what one is ‘saving’ because sexual pleasure to ho hee raha hai na – be it any for any sexual experience.

So what is the big damn deal with this virginity – someone please tell Auntyji also na! Now you get over this trip, beta! Do what works for you. Girls do not need any labels – are we a bottle of jam?

Reason it right

Whatever sex you have, make sure its saaf and safe!  ‘Yes’ means ‘Oh Yes’ and ‘No’ means what it says, ‘Hell, no’! Sehamati/consent is for all parties concerned. As far as virginity goes, just remember, only you can decide what your virginity status is, that is if you want one. Virginity cannot be determined by a specific sexual act (penetrative intercourse), it cannot be determined by the absence or presence of a body part (hymen) and it cannot be determined by the presence of blood on a sheet. It is just a state, a point, in one’s sexual experiences and it can arrive (or not) at any point in one’s sexual life.

Names have been changed. The person in the picture is a model. This article was first published on January 18, 2018. 

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