My gf wants to have sex, I don’t!

Auntyji says, ‘Oye hoye, you are toh stuck puttar – a boy saying no to sex! Chalo ji! Get ready Keshav – so many stereotypes coming your way.

Fifty-fifty

Bhai this duniya is very confusing these days! When a girl says ‘no’ we all are out to support her and make a campaign for her. But when a boy says, ‘No, not yet’–  he becomes the butt of all sorts of jokes like ‘are you a Banda or a pajama’!  Whatever that means! The rule applies equally to every gender beta. What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander’! Let's all get that.

Identity in crisis

With women, it’s been a long struggle to be heard and taken seriously. And for them, it still continues. Arre baba, ladki ki na mein haan nahin hai. Sun lo, bhai log! The society and stereotypes of gender have not only caused the confusion for women, they have not been very kind to the boys either.

If you are a man, you have to want sex – all the time. If you are a man you have to make the first move. But hey! Read the clues from girls too, dhyaan se! A man saying ‘no’ to sex is not a matter of his choice but it becomes an immediate concern about his masculinity, mardangi, or rather, the lack of it! It’s a tough job being a man these days, I tell you.

Treading the line carefully

So beta, what are you going to do? You have to say ‘no’ without making her think something wrong with you, or she is not sexy enough or without jeopardising your relationship. Delaying sex is not a rejection of your partner – it is a matter of thought and choice.

Sexual debut is not an easy thing. It really is an adult business Keshav and you are doing very well by giving it due diligence. You are not off sex – are you? You are just not into it – if I may say so? So try other stuff –be it canoodling, necking, petting. Such acts can be done as much as you both like and as far as you want to go.

But if you are totally in a hands-off zone and she is a ‘lets get between the sheets, now’, then maybe you both are in two different zones. If you can work out a good place, super – if not, well then we may have to write another column!  

Your own boss

The big one here is puttar that no one can tell you if you are ready for sex or not – that only you can.  And only you will decide who you want to share your body with – when and how. Both partners have to be on the same page on this and then work out what works best for them – in total understanding and consent.

It’s not a comment on your partner’s ability to turn you on or off. And that’s definitely not your partner’s responsibility and nor are they to be blamed, samjhe? You want to start getting sexual because you desire for it, want it, are ready for it. Not because pados waale Malhotraji is going to judge you with ‘aur Keshav beta, have you become a man or still mummy ka beta, hain?’ Or the sabzi wala is looking at you and saying, ‘aur bhaiyaa... sab theek hai?’ Back off, you Jokers! Do your stuff Keshav!

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model. 

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