My bf wants us to have sex but I am not ready!

Auntyji says ‘Oh ho! Meena, may be we have to rewind a little bit beta. As they say, ‘Shuru se shuru kartey hain.’

Whose right is it anyway?

Puttar, yeh batao, why should you agree? Why should you say ‘yes’ to his demand or say, request for sex? He wants sex but you don’t – ab kya karein? Who has to agree to whom – aap bolo? Betaji, this is dabaav and a not so fair baat.

Meena bete, no one should make us do anything we don’t want to. Tell me one thing. Let’s say you are a vegetarian. Can he ‘convince’ you to eat meat? You have a wonderful head of hair, can he  'convince' you to shave it off?  Nahi na, now apply the same to sex.

Pushing you away

Now he is constantly telling you to have sex and you are repeatedly saying no to your advances. What do you think can happen? And this is the bit you need to explain to your boyfriend.

If he keeps demanding sex, before you feel ready, it will become emotionally exhausting for you and that he may lose you, the person, in his quest. If he doesn't understand that puttarji, perhaps it's time for you to really rethink your relationship.

On equal terms

Sex is important in any intimate relationship, agreed. But only if both of you are equally ready, keen, relaxed and clear about it. This is called consent. If you have thought about it and feel ready to go ahead, can this be considered participation, sehmati and razamandi, which is must for any sexual intimacy.   

Another argument you may hear from your boyfriend, ‘All other girls in your group are doing it why can’t you?’ Because everyone is different! It’s simple! Meena, I hear so many girls ‘complain’, ‘he is forcing me for sex’. Not always in any clear way but exactly like this – by requesting, by suggesting, by using this as a ‘test of love’.

Girls feel pressured and often give in because they don’t want to lose their boyfriend, their partner and they are also under tremendous peer pressure. But is this consent really? Is this your real decision or are you ‘agreeing’ under a kind of force, some fear of losing something close to you?

Test it out

Why don’t you give your boyfriend a little test of love? Ask him if he loves you and can wait till you are ready – chahe sex ho na ho. Can he? Can he forget about sex and win you over as a best friend, a partner, a sweetheart – and adore you for the person. Can he convince yourself to be with you for the person you are not as a sex participant?

Meena, do you want to remember this phase as one where you enjoyed the warmth of a relationship or a period where you got forced into something you didn’t want? Do you want a man who you can love for years – or a man who you want to forget as a bura sapna? Try it Meena and let’s see how he fares in this ‘test of love’. Maybe you will find out that none of this is worth your while.

Has your partner been coaxing you for sex? Share your experience with Love Matters in the comment section of this page or on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please visit our discussion forum - Let’s Talk