He just enters me and then…

Sumi, 22, is a newly-married woman from Bihar.

That sweet pain 

On my 19th birthday gift, my friends gave me a vibrator. I had no idea how to use it. After I Googled it, I understood how to use it to pleasure myself. At first, it felt very strange, but it gradually gave way to sweet pain.  After a while, I started touching myself too.  

I would caress my vulva with my hands and stroke the labia. It was a very strange yet wonderful first feeling in my life - something like sex! Slowly, I started to explore my body more closely. Believe me, I had no idea that my body could have such desires.

Soon, I found the love button known as the clitoris. It became my happy place. 

I got married after a few years and was so looking forward to getting intimate with my husband. I thought that I would get plenty of sex. Sex, I got, but something was amiss. 

Penis in vagina

My husband is five years older than me and we do not have the compatibility that a couple should have. 

I was unable to communicate my desires to him because of the huge age gap. Now, I can’t use my vibrator too. It is lying hidden somewhere in my old house. It has probably stopped working too! 

During sex, my husband does not spend much time on my body. Orgasm is a far-fetched thought for me. He just puts his penis in my vagina and after some time the act of sex is over. 

But I want more. I want him to caress me, caress my vulva, stroke my labia, kiss my breasts but that doesn't happen. With the vibrator, I used to get pleasure according to my desires. However, now I do not feel any sexual excitement or sexual pleasure.

An unfulfilled dream 

I wish my husband were of my age, then he might have understood my needs and desires. Whenever I try to communicate, he says, I am being kiddish and this only happens in the movies! 

He doesn't even kiss the lower part of my neck. It is disheartening to me as my friend told me the excitement one could feel if your partner kisses your neck. Perhaps, my dream to be loved and caressed and feel an orgasm with him will forever remain unfulfilled. 

I think that as long as people think and believe that sex only means putting a penis in a vagina, they won't understand the real meaning of pleasurable sex. Sex is just the opposite. For good sex, two people need to have a union of the mind, body and soul. It has to be a mutually pleasurable experience and not just an act for one person’s happiness. 

Both partners should enjoy sex when it happens. They should care about each other’s pleasure. Until that happens, it just feels like a ritual being performed every night. Like it does for me.

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. 

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