What is cuckolding?
The term is a derived from the work ‘cuckold’, which was used in medieval times to describes a husband who was unaware of his wife's infidelity and would raise children who weren’t his – much like a cuckoo bird that lays eggs in other birds’ nests, leaving them to raise chicks that not theirs.
Cuckolding is a kink or fetish where a person gets turned on by watching their partner have sex with someone else. It’s a form of consensual non-monogamy and it’s also closely tied to BDSM, owing to factors of domination, humiliation and submission but without the gear or physical pain.
That said, cuckolding is different from other forms of consensual non-monogamy such as polyamory, open relationships or swinging for two reasons – one, the involvement of the third person is solely sexual and not emotional, and two, the ‘cuck’ or the person who enjoys watching their partner have sex is involved in the act, albeit passively.
The fetish involves the observing partner called the cuck, the partner engaging in sex called the cuckoldress, and the third party called the bull. Typically, cuck is present during the act. However, thanks to technology, it is now also possible to engage in cuckolding virtually, with descriptive messages, photos or videos of the act being shared with the observing partner.
The modern-day cuckold or cuck is a marked departure from this ancient definition, as they’re not only aware of but also a consenting party to their partner’s sexual intimacy with another person. Besides, a cuckold isn’t necessarily a cis-gender, heterosexual man. A ‘cuck’ can be a female partner who enjoys seeing her man with another woman or man, or either partner in same-sex relationships too. So, the cuck and the bull aren’t always male and the cuckoldress isn’t always female.
Tips for staying safe
If you do decide to indulge in the experience, you must prioritise consent and safety. Here are some tips for safe cuckolding that must NEVER be overlooked:
- Your partner’s consent: If you want to be cucked, you have to make sure that your partner is on board with the idea of having sex with someone else. At any point in the journey of exploring this fetish, if your partner feels uncomfortable, you must be willing to take a step back. Do not coax or pressure your partner into having sex with someone else because it drives you. And definitely, don’t withhold intimacy as a way of punishing them for saying no.
- Check the bull’s background: Be thorough in your research before selecting a bull. Do a background check, ask about their medical history and invite them to the table for a frank discussion on what you’re looking for before getting them involved.
- Pick a neutral place: Once you’ve picked a bull, pick a neutral place like a hotel to engage in cuckold sex. Don’t invite the bull to your home or go to theirs.
- Don’t share personal details: Sharing personal details such as phone numbers, addresses, workplace details with the bull is not advised. Keep their involvement strictly sexual.
- Always practice safe sex: Given that this fetish involves one partner having sex with another person – who most often is a stranger – the risk of STIs cannot be ruled out. So whether the cuckoldress is going to have penile-vaginal intercourse or not, make sure you use protection such as dental dams and condoms.
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Arushi Chaudhary is a freelance journalist and writer with 5 years of experience in print publications such as the Pune Mirror and Hindustan Times, and has spent close to a decade writing for digital platforms and print publications – The Tribune, BR International magazine, Make My Trip, Killer Features, The Money Times, and Home Review, to name a few. Of the many things she's written about over the years, exploring the space of love and relationships through the prism of psychology excites her the most. Writing is her first and forever love. You can find her on Twitter here.