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Talking dirty: dos and don'ts

Raunchy talk during sex – makes some people’s toes curl, but for most of us some uncensored language in the bedroom is a turn on! It can be tricky though – how do you start out and how far can you go? Find answers in our dirty talking do’s and don’ts.


  • Get to know what your partner likesDon’t start straight out with hard-core dirty talk. It might be best to ask your partner what they are comfortable with. It’s good to lay out the rules before you get on with it.Gently probe what your partner likes and dislikes. Ask them where the red line is. At the same time, feel confident enough to share what you dig and don’t. Once your cards are on the table, both of you will feel more comfortable with experimenting.
  • Start soft-coreIt can be hard to approach your partner with naughty words if you’ve both never done it before. In that case, the best thing to do might be to send them a text or chat message. It can take the pressure away from doing it in person.Send them something light like, “Can’t stop thinking about the sex we had last night. Was it as good for you as it was for me?” If they respond openly and take the talk further, then you know they like it. If they do, you can take it to your bedroom.
  • Be descriptiveThe simplest way to turn up the heat in bed is to describe what you’re doing to your partner or what you’re going to do to them. Telling them, “Now I’m going to kiss you all over…” or “I’m going to cum inside you…” is almost certain to arouse them.You can also share your fantasies with them like, “What do you think about you and me on the living room couch without any clothes on…” Asking questions is definitely going to make your partner feel more involved.


  • Choose words recklesslyYou can easily get carried away with dirty talk and what might seem harmless to you could end up hurting your partner’s feelings. After all not all women like being called a “bitch” and not all men like their penises to be referred to as “cocks”. As we've said before, confusing porn with real life can get you into trouble! So choose your words carefully.When you get the feeling that you’ve used a wrong word, just step back and ask your partner if that was crossing the line. If yes, apologise and promise them that you won’t use that language again. And most importantly, keep the promise! At the same time, if your partner says something you don’t necessarily fancy, let them know politely that it wasn’t okay.
  • Say things you don’t likeDon’t say things you don’t want to say. Of course talking dirty is about role playing and role playing can be fun. But keep in mind that you need not play a role you don’t like. If you don’t like your partner being dominating or using harsh words, feel comfortable to say ‘no.’ The true worth of your relationship rests on how easy it is for you to say ‘no’ to your partner.
  • Forget it’s supposed to be funRemember that talking dirty isn’t supposed to be something serious -- it’s something fun for both of you to enjoy. If saying naughty things to each other isn’t the right fit for your relationship, chuck it. Try different ways to get aroused and arouse your partner. Trust us, there are many other ways to spice up your relationship!

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