- Share your ideas with your partner
To get the whole role-playing thing rolling, you have to start by sharing your fantasy with your partner. This is easier said than done. Either of you may not feel comfortable with taking on different characters during sex. One way to approach this is by introducing your fantasy scenario as a compliment, saying something like, “I think you would make a really hot police officer… I would let you arrest me.” You should make it clear that this is fantasy, that you really don’t want to sleep with just any police officer… You just think it would be hot if your partner assumed that role.
- Find roles that suit both of your fantasies
You might already have a scenario in mind. Perhaps she can play the part of teacher, he the role of student. Or perhaps you want to try a secretary-and-boss scenario, or repairman and lady of the house. One time you two can act out your fantasy, and then the next time, theirs. There are endless possibilities, just be sure that whatever you come up with is agreeable to both partners.
- Explain yourself
Now that you’ve revealed your fantasy, elaborate the particulars to make sure you and your partner understand each other. Otherwise you might develop wildly different ideas about how the fantasy should be acted out. The better you explain what you had in mind, the more likely the fantasy will be acted out in an exhilarating rather than an awkward way. This is also a good way to make sure you both will be comfortable with what you will be doing, and to set limits. Lying in bed, discussing your fantasies, can also be a major turn-on in itself.
- Dress the part
Dressing up in character isn't mandatory for role-playing, but it can certainly add to the fun and help you inhabit your sexy new identity. Costumes and props can help lower you and your partner’s inhibitions. Whether it’s a full-blown 17th century period costume, or a simple wig and a pair of handcuffs, a few props may be all that is needed to really make your fantasy come to life.
Some like to have a whole storyline made up before they get going. That can be fun, but once you’ve had a bit of practice, try straying away from the original plan and create the story as you go along, seeing where it takes you.
- Set boundaries
Before inhabiting your character, you and your partner should be on the same page about what you feel comfortable with and what is considered going too far. This is particularly important if you're experimenting with a scenario that involves domination and submission, or one that may arouse emotional sensitivities. Understand your and your partner’s limits, and establish a safe word that will stop the action if things become too uncomfortable.
- Learn to talk dirty
Role-playing is often more about what you say than how you act – especially if your acting skills aren’t exactly stellar. Tell your partner explicitly how you like it, express your fantasies or erotic intentions, or simply act out what your character might say during sex. Read more about talking dirty.
- Put too much pressure on yourself
This isn’t an audition. You’re not going to be graded by an audience. The point is to have fun together and to add a little spice to your sex life. Don’t stress out about your acting performance – focus more on your lovemaking performance.
- Burn yourself out
It’s not necessary to try out a different role-playing scenario every time, or to experiment with every scenario you can think of. Discover one you and your partner really like, then you can use it again and again, experimenting with all sorts of variations.
- Forget to have fun
Don’t get caught up in the preparation and theatric – the aim is to feel aroused and enjoy yourself, not to win an award for best acting. If you happen to break character and burst into laughter – who cares?! Role-playing is about enjoying your fantasy, not being overwhelmed by it.
- Get hung up on props
Props and costumes add a lot of fun to role-playing, but they aren’t the most essential element for success. What’s most important is choosing a scenario that both partners find exhilarating, and successfully playing the part
- Forget to have a safe word
Whatever game you're playing, it’s always a good idea to have a safe word, one that can act like an emergency button that will bring the game to a halt whenever it becomes too intense or is no longer enjoyable. “Aloo Ghobi”, “Laal topi” – any out-of-context word that kills the mood should work.
This article was first published on Feb 19, 2016.
Persons in the picture are models.