initiate sex
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Can I initiate sex with my boyfriend?

By Auntyji Thursday, September 12, 2019 - 14:51
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. I would really like us to make love but being shy, my boyfriend hasn't initiated anything yet. What should I do? Seher, 23 years, New Delhi.

Auntyji says, ‘Ahaha and the role of ‘initiating’ anything must always be with the boy – is that so beta Seher? I am not so sure’.

Re-creating stereotypes?

Beta ji, what’s the matter with you people, you confuse me at times. Waise to you want to be all new age and modern and hip and hop, wearing the latest cool designs, but when it comes to love and sex you just fall through the cracks – yeh kya baat hui beta?

But the good news is that you realise that even for you all things are not as easy as they seem – breaking out or not doing the done thing is difficult.

Public opinion

And do you know why it is so difficult to approach him? It’s because we dread being judged. The ever so famous ‘log kya kahenge’ – what will people/ he think of me? ‘Will I seem too forward, too ‘fast’?’ No one likes being judged beta.

Perhaps that is what is keeping you away too! Keeping you from asking for what you really are missing – Good sexYeh to haq banata hai. It is your right too beta!

Communication and consent

So ditch the stereotype and tehzeebi coyness beta. Just get down to it. Matlab, asking and talking about your sexual desires with him. Don’t just do anything yet because for having sex you need his consent and contribution too! So, talk to him. Tell him how you dig him and how sexy he is to you and that you want more.

Tell him you are missing that spark and that you are ready (you are, aren’t you? Sure? Double sure?) and let’s see what the has to say!

Now is the big one. If he draws you in his arms and croons, ‘Yeah baby, you are my gal,’ and  ‘lets make a little love, get down tonight’ – then we have a winner.

But, if he goes the other way, ‘how can a girl say a thing like this’ or the old and famous ‘ladkiyoun ko shobha nahin deyta track, then dear Seher, you have something else to think about – you know what that is right?

Don’t let anyone judge you

Beta jaan, it’s not about being ‘cool’ about premarital sex. It is actually about how you are being judged for it. Are you being branded as a ‘type’ of a person or is the partner saying, ‘Hey am not ready yet’. That’s a fair thing to say, right?

If either of the party says, ‘I need more time’  it is ok. ‘You are not the kind of woman I expected you to be ‘or ‘want to take to my Mama’ – ‘Well, Bro! You are not my kind of a guy either!’ Get over yourself and move on, Mate!

Don’t be the ‘solhavi sadi ki Sadmavati’ – puhleese! Grab your man and your rights. Be it about getting that seat in a crowded metro or a romp under the sheets – both are yours for the asking. Beta sheets isliye because it’s a sheet leher in Delhi na! Don’t want to be grabbing a sweater when actually you ought to be reaching for that condom, hain na beta, Seher?  

Names have been changed. This article was first published on December 14, 2017. 

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Amit bete, sex ki ichchha hona bohot hi common hai par hum aapki ismein koi sahayata nahi kar sakte! Lekin aap hastmethun try kar saktay hain kyunki hastmaithun ek safe /surakshit tareeka hai apni santushti karne ka. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon!
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