LACK OF ATTENTION
Most of us have a strong emotional need to be in relationship. And we are unsatisfied when we think we don’t get the attention we want. So if your partner is off on a business trip and doesn’t call you the whole time, it might annoy you.
If you feel like your partner has stopped paying attention to your needs like they used to, it might make you wonder if something’s gone wrong. On the other hand, if you haven’t been able to cope with your partner’s need for your attention because of busy work schedules or just lack of interest, it could add pressure to the relationship at your end too.
In either case, it might be good to have a talk at a time and place that suits both of you. It’s always good to talk over your needs and expectations from the relationship. Often lack of communication can lead to lack of understanding of each other’s needs. Letting your partner know what you want from them and what you can give can help give your relationship a fresh start.
Sex is an important part of any intimate relationship. If sex gets worse, it could affect your emotional bond too. You could be left feeling dissatisfied with your relationship if your partner doesn’t want to have sex as often as you do. Or the other way round – if you are not able to keep up with your partner’s high sex drive. It’s totally normal in a relationship for one person to want sex more often than the other person. If your partner says they don’t feel like having sex, respect their feelings and don’t pressure them into it – it’s likely to put them off sex more and more. And if you’re the one who doesn’t feel like having sex – perhaps because you’re too tired or stressed – instead of just saying ‘no’, try suggesting a time in the not-too-distant future when you’ll definitely be up for sex and romance.
You might also find that you’re turned on by very different things. Maybe your partner wants oral sex, but you’re not keen on it. Or you like it rough, but they prefer gentle. Again, pressuring your partner into something they don’t fancy will never be good for your relationship. Talk together, and see if you can find a compromise. If you’re unhappy with your sex life, talking is the key. Don’t blame your partner for the problems or point fingers – giving your partner the idea that they are not living up to your sexual expectations can hurt their self-esteem. Be open and approachable. Listen to what your partner has to say.
You might also have sex problems that have medical or psychological causes. Common problems for guys are premature ejaculation and also delayed ejaculation – either coming much sooner or much later than you’d like to. And another one is trouble getting an erection, often labelled ‘erectile dysfunction’. Erection problems can have either psychological or physical reasons. A lot of women have difficulties achieving an orgasm. And pain during sex is also a common problem for women. This could be because they’re not getting turned on enough to make their vagina really wet, or because their pelvic muscles are tensing up. If you have problems like these that could have medical causes, you’re not alone! Pluck up courage and see a doctor. Most sexual problems can be solved as long as they are given enough time and thought.
JEALOUSY AND INSECURITY
A little bit of jealousy is common if you have strong feelings towards someone. But when jealousy goes overboard, it could have a bad effect on your relationship. How do you know if you or your partner is being obsessively jealous? There are a few tell-tale signs. They might get angry when you talk to other people or do things on your own, stalk you, demand your passwords to emails, check your SMS messages or listen in to your phone conversations, or constantly complain you’re not giving them enough attention.
Jealousy is a difficult trait to shake off, but possible, if you try. The first step is to realise that being jealous makes life difficult – for your partner as well as for you! After you’ve acknowledged that, it might be a good idea to share your concerns with your partner. Learn more about how to deal with jealousy in our Jealousy: top five facts.
Insecurities may also crop up in unequal relationships where one partner feels he or she gives more than the other. If you are feeling uneasy or unhappy in a relationship try to talk about it with your partner. Communication goes a long way in solving insecurities.
Long term relationships sometimes phase out because both partners have outgrown each other – you’ve grown differently as a person over a period of time. You might realise that the two of you have different ideas about life and what you want from the relationship. This could be a result of lack of communication over long periods of time.