Reeta, 26, is a freelancer from Hubli, Karnataka who works from home.
The honeymoon phase
Chetan and I got married a year ago. The first two months of my marriage were picture perfect and straight out of a romantic Bollywood movie. He was initially very shy but always had a lot of affection for me. We would spend hours talking and he would continuously caress me and kiss me. Nights went by with his warm hugs and cuddles.
He would kiss me all over whenever I missed my parents and cried. He would look for chances to hold my hands or play footsie and I slept on his shoulders for many nights.
Just falls asleep
But those days didn't last long. I began having differences with my mom-in-law. Despite many tries, nothing worked and it led to a lot of stress in the family. The stress gradually affected Chetan’s performance in sex.
He stopped kissing and cuddling me. We came close only when it was time for sex.
We have sex just once a week or so which is unlike other newly-married couples. Moreover, every time, after climaxing, he just turns to the other side, moves far, hugs his pillow and sleeps off immediately while I crave for a pillow talk and post-sex hugs.
I feel sleepless each night after we make out and keep wondering - why is he behaving like this, when will he hug me and sleep and why can’t we be like before. Sex is a mere formality for him now.
The cold responses
Usually when we are done, I constantly feel the need to be hugged, to dig deep inside his chest and sleep off, or to be spoon-hugged. I try touching his feet but he generally moves them away. I feel cold after making out, but it's even more tough mentally when that warmth is missing.
When I tried talking to him about how I feel, he just didn't listen to what I had in my mind and ignored me. It's very tough to get him to talk about this. His answers are always so straightforward that we now regret discussing any such thing with him in the first place.
‘I feel tired because of work.’
‘There is nothing wrong.’
‘ I am just sleepy.’
‘You are stretching it too much.’
When I remind him of the olden days and try to get close after we are done, he doesn’t respond. He is already in a mood to sleep and gets irritated if I press the matter. This has suppressed my emotions to a level I couldn't have imagined a few months ago.
Time to quit?
Sometimes it makes me want to quit this marriage because that distance on the bed is so suffocating. I have my own desires and they need to be fulfilled.
I get shivers thinking, what if he remains like this forever. I feel like turning around, waking him up and begging for the love that I deserve.
Alone with my desires
I spoke to my cousin Snehal about the problems we are having. ‘Couples can be happy without a great sex life too!’ she said.
So I just indulge in some reading that distracts me and dozes off to sleep. The next morning I don't remember anything and we are back to normal until the next week when he climaxes, hugs his pillow and dozes off while I burn with empty open arms until it is morning again.
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.