*Akhil, 28, works as a tax consultant in Delhi.
I have a dream
When I joined college in Delhi, after spending 12 years at an all-boys school, there was just so much to see and do. More than anything else, there were girls - in flesh and blood - who I saw laughing, eating and talking.
Coming from a small town in Rajasthan, I felt as if I had stepped into heaven and angels were surrounding me. I had been carrying the burden of not having a girl in my life as far as I can remember! Especially since all my dost log started bragging about the girls they had kissed and the sex they had had or imagined!
So I started reading erotic magazines and occasionally watched porn. But that made it even worse, as it reminded me of my sexless life.
As a padhaku boy, I had all the love and praise from my teachers and family. All I wanted was the soft touch of a female skin.
Beyond my understanding
Now at college, I had full hopes but I was again stuck in a boys hostel and the pressure to study for a good job made me lose track of my sexual desires. And in no time even college was over. I still had no girl in my life. All the guys I knew had girlfriends whereas I was masturbating on lonely nights to put myself to sleep.
After college, CAT and MBA took charge of my life and all my energy went in that. I was one of the seven guys from our college who were placed in a reputed taxing solution company.
A moment of pride for everyone in my family. But I still lived with this huge hole in my life.
It has been four years now of working and making a living. I have a good house, a healthy bank account, colleagues who respect me and friends who trust me, but girls...somehow yeh khaata khula hee nahi.
I am not ugly or obese and I don’t make women around me uncomfortable in any way. The reason for me not having a partner in my life and for my sex-less life is beyond my rational understanding.
Apna time aayega?
My friends talk about Tinder and narrate their experiences of live-in relationships. I sit along with them for a few drinks and wonder how do they do all this and when will my time for sex come?
My sex life statistics are worse than the numbers that I monitor at work. I started masturbating at 15 and 13 years on, I am still pleasuring myself.
My parents are now after me to get married in 2021. They say I am financially stable, have a respectable job and am good looking (how come they see it but no girl does). So I should get married in the coming year.
When they ask me about my past relationships, I just smile and tell them that I was so busy with studies, career and work that I could not find time for a relationship.
They have registered me on a wedding website and also put advert for matrimonial column in a newspaper. I am surprised at the number pictures of wanna-be-brides we receive every week. Where were all these women all these years? May be getting married will be the only way for me to break my sex-fast. At 28, that’s my only hope.
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.
This is a republished article.
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