*Akhil, 28, works as a tax consultant in Delhi.
I have a dream
When I joined college in Delhi, after spending 12 years at an all-boys school, there was just so much to see and do. More than anything else, there were girls - in flesh and blood - who I saw laughing, eating and talking.
Coming from a small town in Rajasthan, I felt as if I had stepped into heaven and angels were surrounding me. I had been carrying the burden of not having a girl in my life as far as I can remember! Especially since all my dost log started bragging about the girls they had kissed and the sex they had had or imagined!
So I started reading erotic magazines and occasionally watched porn. But that made it even worse, as it reminded me of my sexless life.
As a padhaku boy, I had all the love and praise from my teachers and family. All I wanted was the soft touch of a female skin.
Beyond my understanding
Now at college, I had full hopes but I was again stuck in a boys hostel and the pressure to study for a good job made me lose track of my sexual desires. And in no time even college was over. I still had no girl in my life. All the guys I knew had girlfriends whereas I was masturbating on lonely nights to put myself to sleep.
After college, CAT and MBA took charge of my life and all my energy went in that. I was one of the seven guys from our college who were placed in a reputed taxing solution company.
A moment of pride for everyone in my family. But I still lived with this huge hole in my life.
It has been four years now of working and making a living. I have a good house, a healthy bank account, colleagues who respect me and friends who trust me, but girls...somehow yeh khaata khula hee nahi.
I am not ugly or obese and I don’t make women around me uncomfortable in any way. The reason for me not having a partner in my life and for my sex-less life is beyond my rational understanding.
Apna time aayega?
My friends talk about Tinder and narrate their experiences of live-in relationships. I sit along with them for a few drinks and wonder how do they do all this and when will my time for sex come?
My sex life statistics are worse than the numbers that I monitor at work. I started masturbating at 15 and 13 years on, I am still pleasuring myself.
My parents are now after me to get married this year. They say I am financially stable, have a respectable job and am good looking (how come they see it but no girl does). So I should get married in the coming year.
When they ask me about my past relationships, I just smile and tell them that I was so busy with studies, career and work that I could not find time for a relationship.
They have registered me on a wedding website and also put advert for matrimonial column in a newspaper. I am surprised at the number pictures of wanna-be-brides we receive every week. Where were all these women all these years? May be getting married will be the only way for me to break my sex-fast. At 28, that’s my only hope.
To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed.
This is a republished article.
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About the author: Arpit Chhikara loves to read, write, draw and take long walks while listening to podcasts. Besides writing on various themes related to SRHR, he also works in the alternative education domain. When not at home, you can find him living in lesser-known places in India. You can check him on Instagram.