Say no to physical or verbal abuse
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She would slap and abuse me in public

Rakesh fell in love with a girl who turned out to be possessive and controlling. Find out how he broke up with his emotionally, verbally and physically abusive girlfriend.

Rakesh (name changed) is a 25-year-old businessman in Goa.

Falling in love is the best thing that can happen to anybody. I fell in love with a junior from my college. Purbi (name changed) was everything I was looking for ­– beautiful, smart, eloquent and outgoing. Within a few weeks, I asked her out on a movie-cum-dinner date. We started dating that night on.

Slow but steady

Our relationship seemed quite normal in the beginning. Hanging out together, strong emotional attachment, great physical intimacy, weekend trips and outdoor stays. We grew inseparable within a few months. I thought I was the most satisfied and happy boyfriend in the world. But, I was wrong.

Slowly, I started noticing odd changes in our relationship. Intimacy was replaced by exhausting fights, daily greetings by doubts and mistrust. It took me almost two years to realise that her possessive nature made her control my life. She had been verbally abusive and emotionally threatening towards me. And now, she had even begun throwing unnecessary fits of physically abusive rage in public places.

First episode

I distinctly remember the first time Purbi slapped me in the middle of a busy street in Mumbai. I didn’t hit back, scream or cry. She was angry that I had helped a female friend with some work but I felt it was insensitive of her to react that way.

If I spoke to any girl, her friends or mine, she would pick a fight. She would embarrass me with doubtful questions and hurtful words in front of a group of friends. These fights would go on for a long time and end up in Purbi getting physically aggressive. Her reactions made me feel afraid of speaking to my female friends.

I would spend days just apologising and calming her down. Purbi wouldn’t speak to me properly or let me near her. She was intentionally violent. Some of my friends tried counselling her, but nothing worked to change her attitude.

From bad to worse

Soon fighting became an everyday routine. To patch things up I asked her to spend some time at my house one day. But within a few hours, she started looking for excuses to swear at me. Arguments got heated and she ran into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and cut her hand. She threatened to hurt me as well. I immediately called my parents and asked them to attend to her.

My parents, petrified by what they had seen, asked me to break all ties with her as soon as possible. I still loved her but I knew that I had to take a firm decision. After days of stress, I mustered up the courage to break up with Purbi. I didn’t want any major accident hurting either of us, but a calm conversation and that would be all.

A closure

I went to meet her at a café, well prepared to receive a bad reaction. She was angry that I had not arrived on time and started verbally abusing me as soon as I reached the café. I had asked a few friends to join me for support. She ill-treated them for encouraging me. I finally told her that I was giving up on her. She got furious.

My friends were constantly alert, keeping both of us at a safe distance from each other. Her antics wouldn’t help her that day. I had made up my mind. I was putting an end to the torture. I wasn’t comfortable or happy with the relationship. I had lost some weight and was falling sick often because of all the stress. I had begun feeling depressed and lonely.

Soon after my break-up, I left Mumbai and started living in Goa. Life is getting better and I am happy that I stood up against my suffering.

This article was first published on 22 July 2015. The person in the  photo is not Rakesh. 

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