In 2020, as the COVID-19 pandemic began impacting society, I happened to be at my boyfriend's apartment when the lockdown was enforced. Opting to remain together, we seized the opportunity to strengthen our bond. We shared intimate moments, spending nights together and enjoying each other's company. Despite the challenges, I continued to work from home during the pandemic, and my boyfriend kindly assisted with household tasks in the mornings.
What’s going on in my body
As time went on, we continued to enjoy each other's company, but after about a month, I noticed I was gaining weight. Initially, I attributed it to being at home more often and not engaging in outdoor activities. I planned to join the gym once things returned to normal, assuming that would solve the issue. Looking back, I realize I should have consulted a doctor sooner to understand what was happening with my health.
One day, when my boyfriend wasn't feeling well, I decided to consult an online doctor and arranged for some blood tests. While I was at it, I thought it might be wise to get a full-body checkup. When the results came back, I was shocked to learn that I had thyroid issues. My thyroid levels were significantly high, indicating that my body wasn't producing the right amount of thyroid hormone, leading to an excess release of TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone).
After consulting the doctor again, my boyfriend's reports came back normal. However, I found myself caught in the grip of medication. The doctor informed me that I would need to take a pill every morning to manage my thyroid condition. This made me uneasy, as I had always aimed to avoid relying on medications. The doctor explained that my condition was likely caused by prolonged periods of sitting, insufficient physical activity, and stress, all contributing to my weight gain.
Because of my weight?
Well, I was happy that my boyfriend was fine now. I was fine too but was troubled due to some illness inside and taking medicines every day. Apart from this, loss of appetite, irritability, irregular periods had become a part of the routine. During this time, I felt that my boyfriend's attitude towards me had changed because I was getting tired quickly, even during sex.
He wanted me to sit on him and take the penis inside but I was not able to do all this. Apart from this, due to weight gain, I was also not able to do different sex positions. Although I was not doing all this intentionally, I was not able to do it.
In addition to feeling bored with the daily routine of taking medication and exercising, I noticed that I was gaining even more weight, perhaps due to the side effects of the medication or other factors. During this period, I started to feel like my boyfriend's comments were becoming more like taunts. Whenever I sat down to eat, he would say things like, "Eat less. Only then will your body shrink. Otherwise, it'll just keep expanding." His words began to feel like jabs, making me increasingly self-conscious about my eating habits and my body.
His interruption on every matter, taunting me on my body and increased weight on every matter, I did not like it at all. I felt that he humiliates me every time. Despite living with me, he does not understand my health condition. I was just overwhelmed.
My friends' girlfriends look great
One day when I was sitting with my favourite dish, which is fish and rice, he interrupted me. “Hey, if you eat rice, you will become fatter… don’t eat it.” I didn’t say anything. He then said, “Hey, eat less a little so that at least you remain active in bed. At least be active somewhere.”
After hearing this, I lost my temper and said to him, “Suppose, if we get married, and when I become pregnant, my body will swell like this, will you leave me?” “If every mother had focused on her weight, then you would not have been in this world today and as far as my thyroid disease is concerned, I am taking medicine, it will be under control.”
But instead of empathy, he doubled down. "Fine, maybe I don't want to be with you because of your weight. You can't control your eating, and it's embarrassing to be seen with you. My friends' girlfriends look great, unlike you," he retorted.
After taking a deep breath, I gathered my courage and spoke up again. "If you can't understand your partner's struggles, how can you support them in the future? I don't want to be with someone who can't empathize with me," I declared firmly, feeling a sense of liberation in standing up for myself.
Best decision?
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I packed my bags and left that day. I had no idea where I would go, but leaving felt like the only option. Now, looking back, I realize it was the right decision. Despite still dealing with my thyroid condition and taking medication, I am no longer living under the weight of someone else's judgment.
Instead, I consult with my doctor regularly and prioritize my health through exercise. Sure, there are times when I struggle, but I have no regrets. Escaping from a toxic environment was the best thing I could have done for myself, and that's what matters most to me now.
As I settled into my new life, I couldn't help but wonder about him. I never heard back from him after that day. It made me question whether his love had truly vanished the moment my weight started to increase. But with each passing day, I realized that his absence was a blessing in disguise.
It allowed me to focus on myself and prioritize my own well-being without the weight of his judgment dragging me down. I may never know the answer to why he couldn't support me through my struggles, but what I do know is that I am better off without him. My journey toward self-love and acceptance continues, and I am grateful for the newfound freedom and peace I have discovered.
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