Controlling your partner's life is emotional abuse
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Are you an abusive girlfriend?

'If you love me, you will be here in five minutes!' Hold off sending the emotional text 'that always works' to your boyfriend. Believe it or not, you may be abusing your partner. Sounds a bit too much? Here’s a bit of a reality check.

Abusive behaviour doesn't just mean physical violence – it can also be also to emotional and psychological hurt. If your actions cause regular stress to your partner then they may be classified as abuse. Here are a few things you may want to reconsider:

  1. Having a laugh at his expense
    So you and your friends regularly crack up on the 'silly' things your boyfriend does? Not funny though. Making fun of him in front of your friends will make it difficult for him to interact and mingle with the gang.
  2. Constant break-up threats
    Just because he didn't do something in a way you would have liked doesn't mean he needs to be issued the perennial I-will-break-up-with-you warning. Resist the 'temptation' of ultimatums to get what you want. It's exploitative, and it makes it it hard for him to cope with you.
  3. The loyalty test
    If he wanted to be with someone else, well, he would be. Giving his number to random people or your friends just to see how he talks to other girls is not a healthy behaviour. This shows severe lack of trust on your part and it's an invasion of his personal space. Phone numbers are private and not meant to be shared casually. Would you like it if he did the same?
  4. Remote controlling
    Telling him where to go or not, asking him to stop talking to friends – the ones you don’t like – may make him feel a bit puppeteered. If he is readily accepting your demands, it's because he doesn't want to hurt you. But  don't take it as a proof of love. Possessiveness is not prescribed for a healthy relationship.
  5. Glued together
    We all need some personal space. Sticking around each other all the time won't help you get closer – it may just put you further apart. You need to have your own life, set of friends and things to do, and so does he.
  6. Crying wolf
    Do your eyes well up and does your voice choke, every time things don't go your way? Using tears to influence behaviour can be manipulative. It may win you the one-off brownie, but it can make your partner lose trust in you. Remember, the next time you are genuinely distressed, he may not even care.
  7. Putting him down
    Nobody is perfect, neither are you. So why make him feel bad for what he is? You may not like some aspects of his nature (remember he may have similar issues about you) and these should be dealt with sensitively. Relationships are hard work, and constant belittling is perhaps the shortest route to a not so happy 'The End'.

PS: To all the boys out there, hey, all these apply to you too! A relationship is a two-way street, and either of the partners can roll out the roadblocks. Watch out before you head for a huge crash.

The couple in the picture are models.

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