What is true love?
© Love Matters India

What is true love, Aunty ji?

By Auntyji Friday, August 7, 2020 - 15:23
Hi Aunty ji, I have just started dating a girl and I feel she is my true love! I have been in many relationships in the past but with this one - dil ki ghanti baj gayi! What is true love? Ankit, 18, Chandigarh.

Aunty ji says, ‘Oye Ankit puttar, looks like you are talking about a scene from a Shahrukh Khan movie? Pehli nazar mein pyaar! Chalo, let’s talk more.’ 

Love or attraction? 

So this song is playing in your head -  ‘Tune maari entriyaan aur dil mein baji ghantiya!’ Haina? And you feel the same. Now let’s decode this ghanti bajna. Your heartbeat goes up when you see her, you can’t stop smiling when she is near, you get anxious, nervous etc. You feel special for her and she is on your mind 24X7, right? 

Is it the sign of true love? 

Well, the simple answer is - we do not know yet. Time will tell. 

Dekho, what you feel for her is attraction. You like her. You love looking at her, talking to her, knowing everything about her, her habits, her likes, dislikes, what movies she likes, who are her favourite actors, what colour she likes etc etc. 

All this, yes all of this, is just attraction

Ishq wala love!

So you must be wondering what then is love. Aren’t these the feelings you had already declared in your head as ‘true love’?

After all saada Bollywood is thriving on this ‘sachha pyaar’ - hero meets heroine, they fall in love, sing in gardens, romance in phoren locations, fight the whole world and their parents to be together, swear to live and die for each other, sometimes even leave everything to be with each other and then the movie ends with - and they lived happily ever after!

We are all made to believe that all these acts - to be with each other - are actually true love. So what Heer did for Ranjha and what Majnu did for Laila - we are told- is sachha pyar, true love. 

If you can leave your job/parents/duniya/rishtedar etc etc to be with your love of life, you are in true love. Well, they are not entirely wrong. To some extent, what you see is love, even true love! 

But come think of it, has any movie ever shown what happens once after ‘they lived happily ever’ wala part? What would have happened if Heer would have actually lived with Ranjha (just imagine the conversation - aaj khane mein kya banaye, sonu ki dawai khatam ho gayee hai!

Decoding true love 

‘True love’ actually begins where pehli nazar wala love ends. Yes that’s right. Because in this bit, you have to think about those aspects of your relationship or your partner that you may not notice in pehli nazar or in your phase of attraction. 

Haan jee difficult wala part. What do you want to do or be in life? Where does your partner want to be or do in life? Often you may realise after the initial phase of attraction that you two want very different things in life and may decide that you do want to continue for a long term. Was it not true love then? Bilkul tha bete ji, as long as you give each other happiness for the time you are together. 

True love may also mean working through some of the difficult bits of life together. When there is lack of money, a family problem, dissatisfaction with your physical relationship or each other’s habits - all these tricky things that get noticed after the initial phase of attraction. Are you able to talk about those difficult things with each other? Are you able to discuss them and work towards a solution? If yes, we are talking about a love that is growing stronger. 

So beta ji, if you are asking your Auntyji for mantras, true love is: 

  • When you respect your partner for what they are and what their choices are. 
  • When you both are in a relationship which is based on mutual trust, honesty, understanding of each other’s needs and demands.
  • When you are there for each other in difficult times and help each other out. 

No one is perfect

Puttar ji, I would say, love is not a constant feeling. Even those we love the most, we dislike something they do or say at some point, hai na? No one or no relationship is perfect all the time. We can be irritating to our partners and our partners may be causing us a lot of dukh

Like your Uncle does sometimes, hehe! But so are we not in love? We are, but we don’t think of it as a sone ka aam, that drops from the sky. 

I would say, And this is not a one time task - like winning an Olympic Gold Medal. This is a marathon that has to be run every single day. For now, get to know each other and what you both want from life. Be together - in good times and in bad. If it is meant to be true love, you both will know it through the care and concern you have for each other. Samjhe kya? 

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. Don't forget to check out the video below where we asked the public about True love or Sachha pyar. Does it exist or not? 

Share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

Did you find this useful?

Add new comment


  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>