Prathik Sinha is a 26-year-old programmer in Mumbai.
Sometimes friends aren’t meant to be anything but that, friends. That hurts. It’s funny because when growing up, friendship mattered a lot to me. I was one of those who bought, distributed and wore friendship bracelets and gave out handmade cards on Friendship Day. Friendship is one of those bonds that I have cherished the most, sometimes even over familial ones.
College love
Years later, in college, when I started falling for my best friend, it seemed perfect. We got along splendidly. We were always spending time at each other’s homes. We even went on a trip together, to gorgeous Kerala where we soaked our toes in the warm sand, went on backwater rides and stuffed ourselves with all sorts of crustaceans from the sea.
Our parents approved of our friendship. We often played off each other’s strengths, constantly challenging the other to reach their potential. We were inseparable. Then she got a boyfriend. It was then that I realised that the bond we shared went much deeper than I thought.
I wasn’t the jealous kind so I let her be. They seemed to like each other’s company which automatically meant our time together lessened. I didn’t mind. It just spurred me to study better and get a good job. A year later when I got my first pay cheque, I called her and told her I needed to talk. I figured it was time I laid my heart bare.
Facing the truth
I told her I loved her. She said ‘I love you too’. Then I had to tell her that when I said love, I meant the deeper kind, the one that goes beyond friendship. She stayed quiet for a bit and then gave me a look of absolute betrayal. “You’re crazy,” she said as she walked off.
We didn’t speak for days after. I know she didn’t tell her boyfriend about what I had said because he didn’t come looking for me! When we finally did speak, it gave me an insight into what made us such fantastic friends.
“You are the person I can talk to freely without fear of judgment or recrimination. You put my needs ahead of yours, you always have. We’ve understood each other’s silences and each other’s words.”
Friend v/s lover
She had obviously rehearsed this, I could see it in the way she was pinching her fingers, a little thing she always did when concentrating on something hard. I knew there was a ‘but’ in there somewhere, hidden among those platitudes.
“You, I love as a friend, wholly and completely. I can share part of my soul with you. But my boyfriend, he completes me. Till I feel that way about you, I can’t be with you.” I understood her apprehensions completely.
It’s been three years since that fateful day. She got married to her boyfriend. I am still single. We are still great friends, greater than before. But, I’m still waiting for the day I complete her. I probably always will.
Have you ever been in love with your friend? How did it feel? Share your experiences with us by leaving a comment below or via Facebook.