Aunty ji
Love Matters India

My smart gf makes me insecure - what's your advice?

By Auntyji Thursday, July 26, 2018 - 14:56
Auntyji, my partner is good at everything she does. I feel worthless in front of her. What should I do? I don’t want to break-up. Satinder (26), Ambala.

Auntyji says Hahaha, don’t like this feeling of being inferior, haan puttar Satinder? Kya hua, ladki aage tum peeche peeche


Puttar, what’s making you feel so bad? First, conduct a self-examination. “Bhai, mard toh main hoon, I ought to be better than her. Women must be a notch or two below the man.” Hope you are not conjuring these thoughts?

Hain? Forget it bro! Long gone are those days, perhaps they were never even here! So if that’s the case, you better get yourself checked out, by a dimagi doctor. Jhaleyaa!

Star of the show

Now let’s come to another point. She is the star in your relationship, so what? Bask in her glory, beta. Let her be the centre of attention. You are the centre of her attention, are you not? So? What matters after jee?

In an equal relationship, the issue is not who is more important, the issue is how important you are to each other. How happy you feel in the others’ success? How her brightness also lights up your life? Haan ki naa?

Top of the class

But yes, I do agree with you. If she is this fabulous creature, in every way, you may feel a bit left out. A bit on the periphery, yes, can be. So Satinder puttar, get a hold of yourself. Look at you, you are smart, well-read and honest. You’re hopefully a clean and well-presented young man. Why are you doubting yourself? Why do you need to compare yourself to anyone else? Especially to someone you love and someone who loves you back?

In an equal relationship, the issue is not who is more important, the issue is how important you are to each other.

No, you don’t need any comparison. You are blessed with your own qualities. One of them may well be that you don’t get insecure about your partner! Let me tell you, this is the mark of a sachha banda – yeh hui mardon waali baat, as they say! Puttar, chhaati thok ke keh, “She is my girlfriend.”


Change, constantly

One thing, and this goes for each one of us puttar. Once we are in a relationship, we get so comfortable that we forget to work on ourselves. We forget that the chase is not over yet. Abhi toh party shuru hui hai! Self-improvement, hobbies, interests, doing stuff, keeping yourself alive and re-inventing yourself are all important ingredients to keep yourself and your relationship alive!

So get back on this task. Things you have left and forgotten but you loved to do. If there aren’t any, go find a few. The most crucial part, don’t be a wuss in your bed, make your moves, love her with passion and respect, treat her good and keep that fire burning too. Both of you, with no shame no fear, but only izzat and josh!

Pyaar ke side-effects

So what’s your andar ka darr? She is so good that she will leave you for someone else? Or do you want to leave her before that? O khoteya, do we stop driving a car because we may have an accident? Nahin na? Bas, similarly, we don’t stop loving our partner due to the fear of them leaving us or rejecting us. Woh toh beta pyaar ka side-effect hai. It can happen anytime, to anyone!

Like I love to say: You might lose each other, break up or shake up, but at least you can say with confidence, ki ji my one qualification is, “Boss, mujhe pyaar karna aata hai, test me out anytime!”

The article was first published on February 16, 2016. 

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

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