selfish bf
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‘All he thinks about is himself’

When Aditya asked Kanika to be online everyday to talk to him and reserve all her time for him, she felt special and cared for. But soon, Aditya’s behaviour became too much for her. Was he trying to control her?

Kanika, 21, is a student in Delhi. 

Love at first sight?

I was at a friend's birthday party, when I saw Aditya for the first time. I requested my friend to introduce him to me. Soon he sent me a friend request on Facebook and we started chatting regularly. He was from Meerut while I lived in Delhi. 

So most of our talks were online. I looked forward to hearing from him on a daily basis about movies, songs and what not! Was it really love at first sight? I thought to myself. After a couple of months, one day on a video call, he said that he wanted to say something to me and I said go on!

Then he said those three magical words, ‘I love you!’ I was shocked. It felt nice but I was not sure if I felt the same for him. It was too soon! I reciprocated positively because I did not want to hurt his feelings. 

I told my best friend about what happened. ‘How could he say that? You have not even gone on a single date with him!’ Vaishali said. ‘Maybe it’s love at first sight Vaishali. It does happen!’ I tried to convince her. 

That gut feeling? 

Everything was going too fast. Aditya and I just knew each other for less than three months. When I expressed this to him, he scolded me saying how I could not trust him.  

He also said that he can not be with a girl who is so confused about him. I tried to pacify him with my words. I told him that I will never do this to him again and I am really sorry about it.  Aditya accepted my apology.

After a few days, my Bua came to our house with her new born baby. It was a happy occasion for all of us. She is my favourite person and I really loved spending time with her. I told Aditya that I could be busy with her for a week. He told me that he won't be happy all day if I don't text him. 

I felt that he really cares for me and I started texting him while I was with my Bua and the baby. I felt that I couldn't give attention to both, so I stopped texting him while I was with Bua. He started taunting me that I am not giving appropriate time to him. I really felt guilty. 

After I apologised many times, he finally agreed to talk to me again and asked if I would go on a date with him. I agreed for the weekend. 

The control or care? 

However, I forgot that it was Vaishali’s birthday over the weekend and asked him to postpone our date to the next weekend. He got angry and asked me not to go. But it was Vaishali! My best friend. How could I not go! 

I went to her birthday party but did not tell him. However, he saw the party pics on Facebook and got really angry. He also said I had ‘wasted’ that time. It hurt! 

We both argued and fought. I ended the conversation. However, he kept messaging me non stop - asking me to apologise. I neither replied to his messages, nor picked up his calls. Was I wrong? Maybe Aditya really cared for me and was really possessive and caring? I still felt confused. 

I was so tired of everything that I just slept that night without looking at my phone. I didn't text him for the next two days. Aditya understood that I had lost interest in him and kept pinging me that I must tell him if I had lost interest in him. I told him that I am really hurt and needed some time. 

'Oh.. it's only you who has been hurt and not me?' This was the last conversation with him before I blocked him from my life. I understood that he is just a self-centred and controlling person. Not a boyfriend!

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. 

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About the author: Vinayana Khurana is pursuing M.Phil in English literature from Delhi University. She is a woman with Cerebral palsy but that is not her identity. She's a writer, a poet and a Comic Artist. You can reah her out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn

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