Aunty Ji
Love Matters India

Is moving in with my BF a good idea?

By Auntyji Thursday, February 22, 2018 - 12:26
Hi Auntyji, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a while and we are considering moving in together. Do you think it’s a good idea? Avani, 24, Lucknow.

Auntyji says ‘Wah wah! New choices, new decisions – can be very cool and can equally make you go quite crazy!’

Not for the faint-hearted

Quite frankly – this is a big move indeed. Both literally and figuratively! And it can be the best choice you made. Chances are – it can also be the reverse. Perhaps there are a few things you may want to first keep in mind.  

So, are both of you equally sure about this? Do you both feel committed enough to get to this level? It’s not only about moving in – it also involves many other decisions and here are a few. Moving in is not like checking into a hotel room, it's changing your entire lifestyle.

Open announcement

Moving in usually also is a sort of an ‘announcement’ – ‘we are committed enough to live together but are not planning any shadi vaadi. Are you ready to face all the mummys, chaachas and bhaiyaas?

Now for the elephant in the room. Living together is also a clear signal – ‘we are doing it’. You both cool with that?

Because you know the minute you get your own key to the apartment – the jungle bells will sound out loud and clear as well – ‘they are having S**!’ All sorts of comments – judgements, quizzical looks coming your way. Tayyar?  

Make sure beta that it’s not just you, the ladki, left fielding the comments and charchas – as it is practice, but the boyfriend also steps up to tone down these inquisitive enquiries!

Hard talk

Sharing a house also means sharing roles and responsibilities. Who will keep an eye on the house help? Who leaves early and who packs the lunch or even makes plans the dinner? Do make sure the expectations are not totally out of context. For example, you hate the kitchen and all that comes with it but now our man assumes that is a ‘woman’s role’ then what happens?

The other very big issue is of expenses. Brutal truth beta Avani. Money can kill any dosti, any relationship. So this uncomfortable conversation is better discussed very upfront – very clearly in the very beginning itself.  Place your contribution ability now and ask him his – now itself.

Whose flat is it?

Avani puttar, this is a great step if you both are equally committed, equally sure – and not if one wants it more than the other. If that be the case beta, hold off. Wasie beta, whose flat is it? Yours, his or are you getting a new one? Don’t think me as an inquisitive Aunty ji but this is one more issue to decide on.

One way of semi-testing the waters is to stay over for a fortnight or something and do a small test run. Will it be good for both of you? Aisa na ho that the move into a flat is the cause of moving out of the relationship! Lock keeya jaye?

*Person in the picture is a model.

*Names changed.

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Amit bete, kahin aap kisi tension, pressure mein toh nahi hain na? Yeh samjh lijiye ki sex karne ke liye bilkul tanav mukt hona zaroori hai bête. Iss baare mein aur yaha padh lo : Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board ‘Just Poocho’ mein zaroor shamil hon!
Nayak1 - Beta, suicide kabhi bhi ek achchha upchaar nahin, Beta. Isse aap apne aap ko samapt kar lenge - lekin dil mein jo dukh ya takleef hai - woh to apni hee jageh hai na? Woh kum thodi hua hai? Nayak1 - beta aaj kal itni helplines hain, itni centres, jahan aap call kar ke kuch rai mashvara kar sakte ho. Kyun na ek try deeya jaaye? Sansthan Delhi mein hain, naam Sanjivani, ya phir Sumaitri. Please inka number ne se le lo aur call karo. Unse baat karo beta. Apne aap ko maar dalne ki kabhi bhi koi pukhta vajeh nahin hoti beta, yeh baat to pakka hai. Ab aapko sabse pehle in dono mein se ek helpline ko call karna hai - aur phir aage ki sochnee hai - aur jab chahe yahan likhan ha ya aur jaldi response chahtey hain to Discussion Board, Just Poocho pe. OK? Auntyji ki taraf se bahut bahut pyaar.
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