How to have a good breakup
Love Matters India

How to have a good breakup?

By Auntyji Thursday, August 9, 2018 - 10:54
Hi Auntyji, I want to break up with my boyfriend of two years as this relationship is not going anywhere. But I do not want to break his heart. How can I go about it? Sanah, 22, Chennai.

Auntyji says, ‘Is there ever a ‘good’ to break up? I doubt it Sanah, but there are some ethics of breaking up, let’s find yours’.

One up, one down

So yeh to tay hai, that you are decided, done, over! See how poor that sounds? So even if you couch it under all sorts of nice words – it’s still going to be, ‘she dumped me’. So we know who is taking the fall in this one. You are! Get ready for some tough calls. The crucial thing is – the relationship has run its roost – time to pack up. It happens. Let everyone get over it! But let’s be nice and civil about it – especially you!

His issue too

So let’s begin with an acknowledgement – it’s not going to be easy. However, just keep in mind that it’s going to be harder for him. The other thing is – under the surface, he may know. You both are drifting apart. It’s not possible he is not feeling it too, so he perhaps may have a ‘premonition’. Call him over – as usual. Tell him. Take full responsibility. Do not play the blame game or call any names.  Even if he does it, you may have to be the bigger person here. Let him say his bit and do what you can to make himself feel a bit better.

Sound track

Breakups are never easy Sanah. They are almost always seen as a rejection of sorts. So be a little patient. Even if he does have a breakdown – be loving and supportive. Be there for him but not omnipresent – that’s not a break up then, is it? Tell him what you are planning to do with yourself – not why you think this relationship is off your scheme of things.

Withhold the, ‘I am feeling bogged down by this relationship,’ and go with the, ‘I want to do X thing – for myself,’  sort of thought process. Ask his advice on what he wants to do and how will he take it further from now on. Plan an exit for both of you.

Expectation management

Sometimes we feel so bad for the partner – we tend to forget that we have called it off and it just becomes an extension of the relationship! So be there, but not as usual. Avoid getting into exchanges and discussions, especially over text, call, or social media.

Even if the man says or does something not so smart, don’t retaliate over social media. Nor go and talk to any common pals about how ‘dull/ boring’ your relationship had become.  And never rant about it by saying, ‘Thank God it's over’.

And finally, beta Sanah let’s not aim for the ‘good friends’ status, just now. A huge over-expectation How can lovers immediately change DNA into friends? It may happen, surely, but slowly. For now, focus on the ‘talk’ – it’s quite a tough call.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

Tell us your break-up story in the comments section below or our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

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