consent in love

‘Did I ever say I love you?’

By Sraboni Basu Monday, August 19, 2019 - 11:19
Mary and Anuj became friends at work and soon were having long chats on the phone. However, she was dumbfounded when his colleagues thought Anuj was her boyfriend. What’s more - Anuj too felt the same. She shares her story with PLD.

*Mary Anne, 29, worked as a Lab Assistant in Mumbai. She shared her story with PLD. 

It felt good 

Our lab was quite a busy place with constant flow of patients walking in and out. We never had time to talk or relax for a bit. It was not encouraged either. So whenever we really needed a break we went to the rooftop for a breath of fresh air. 

That’s where Anuj and I started talking to each other. He was the fun spark in our otherwise drab lab. Always cracking jokes and making fun of everyone. Anuj had a great sense of humor and always made everyone laugh. 

He was really funny and would lighten up our mundane work. It felt good. 

Anuj would come and find me wherever I was in the lab. Post work also we started messaging each other. 

After sometime, it almost became a habit. He would message me once he was in bed, around 11 p.m. and we often chatted till about 2 a.m. Sometimes we ended up texting all night. Often I would even doze off on the phone!

I wondered if he had started to like me. Maybe… it did look like that sometimes. Whenever I posted something on Facebook, Anuj would be the first one to like or comment on it. Later, if I didn’t reply to his messages immediately, he would get irritated. 

Check out Mary's sharing her story below in the video: ( story continues after video) 

Tell us about your bf

Then one day last month my colleagues asked me, ‘Hey why didn’t you tell us about your boyfriend?’ Huh? ‘Well! I need to know who my boyfriend is first, for me to tell you guys!’ I said in bewilderment. 

I then got to know that Anuj had told some people that we were together. I also noticed his Facebook status now read ‘in a relationship’. 

I was so furious I couldn’t wait and went straight to him. Funny thing is that he could not even understand why I was so enraged! 

‘But you send me so many messages, you spend so much time with me, you talk about everything possible, you laugh at my jokes..’ he said sounding defensive. It made me livid! 

‘That’s all on WhatsApp isn’t it!? How did you come to the conclusion that I am your girlfriend!?’ I hit back. 

‘Did I ever say to you that I love you or that I want to be with you? How did you make it all up in your head?’ I screamed at Anuj.

 Why would you

Just because we talked late in the night and I poured my heart out does not mean there is something beyond pure deep friendship between us. Maybe he felt there was something more. 

I did share a lot of things with him, happens when you chat in the middle of the night but what I could not fathom is how can you conjure everything in your mind and worse still go and make a public declaration about our relationship status without even asking me once? 

Should you not care to even check once what I actually think? Anyway, I did not share anything that personal with him. 

People need to understand that in a work environment, friendship is welcome but intimacy demands consent. 

To protect the identity, the person in the picture/video is a model and names have been changed.  

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