boyfriend asks for money
Love Matters India

Boyfriend paise maangta hai, what to do?

By Auntyji Thursday, March 14, 2019 - 15:53
Hi Auntyji, my boyfriend keeps asking for money, what to do? Shweta, 21, Cuttack.

Auntyji says, ‘Oh ho – very pecheeda maamla dear – money talks, relationship, walks in separate directions'.

Better not

I tell you one mantra beta Shweta – never let money come between friends and lovers – is my principle. It is pretty much a recipe for disaster! Ek baar this happens na beta, and the results go khatta – even if a little bit – bas, it just becomes a kaanta in your heart – something you can’t talk about bluntly and something that never really goes away.  

Give and take back

Now here are a few rules to this which you may want to set. Do you both even have any? Why does he want the money? If it’s an emergency and you would know if there was one – he doesn’t have enough at the minute, fine. You are his girlfriend – why not – you would expect the same. Haina? 

If it’s anything else and you don’t know what – then I’d say – find out first. In fact, it is he who ought to volunteer the information and seek you to buy into the plan. After that just lend the money but follow the rule to return it.

If you do decide to give – make clear its a loan and ask by when will he return. Remind a few days earlier and then wait. Now after the due date – is when matters turn.

To add to that, beta Shweta is this his ‘kaam mera roz ka?’  Once a while affair, with a perfect return payment plan – and demonstrated evidence, chalo one doesn’t mind. But if it’s more regular than the ‘rarely’ – then I’d have to say, aye ki gall hoyi!

Married or not?

Now people may differ on this but actually, if you are in a marriage then the rules do change – you know why? Say it’s a payment for something common – a house, a vehicle (but not a yacht!).

Say he is asking money from you for an asset you both are building and well, your share is clearly marked. Then the rules may be different. He does not have to return it na?

However, the same is not possible if you are in live in or partnership situation. You cannot chase your partner post break up with a ‘may I have the sum you took from me to buy me a gift.’  

No head for numbers?

The other thing, why is he short of money. Is this then a comment on his financial ability? Does he know how to plan a bit? You may want to think that as well.

One more very silly thing you girls can do is to borrow from someone to lend to the boyfriend. How smart is that? Girls in love can sometimes be crazy and foolish.

Puttar Shweta, and all my bitiyaas, sacch dassan te better it’s all in black and white. Money in love and relationships – and as much in dosti yaari – can be a terrible dampener. Keep it out from the very beginning.  

If you have to lend, use your head and don’t let your partner outsmart you by emotionally mind twisting you that by not lending or asking it back you have created mistrust – oye nahi oye – it’s the other way round!

*To protect the identity, names have been changed.

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