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I like him, but he's of another caste

By Auntyji Tuesday, March 18, 2014 - 12:30
I'm interested in someone since a few weeks, but he's not of my caste. I always thought I'd marry someone from my own caste – I was also taught so.

But he seems like the kind of guy I could build a relationship with. What if it gets serious? Please guide me. – Guddi (20), Ambala.

Auntyji says...O Guddi O, Pataka Guddi O...” Have you heard this song? Is it not a celebration of girl power? So puttar Guddi, where is your girl power? Let's go find it!

Caste caveat
Betaji, waise toh had you asked me this question straight off, I would have said, 'You like him, go chase him – good guys are hard to come by!' Lekin, kintu, parantu beta.... now that you are throwing in the caste caveat, we have to discuss this in a different light!

So to begin with, love knows no boundaries – pyaar mein sauda nahin bete... This is the truth. But there are some practical constraints and perhaps we should be prudent and look at them first.

Challenge norms
So jee, you say you have been “taught” this. Really? Since when are you all doing ALL that you have been taught? And equally, have you also not been taught to question? To critique what is the meaning of caste, why was it established and why it is so criticised? Does it even have any relevance today?

So don’t tell me you do everything you were “taught”. In fact ask yourself, is this you talking or your family and society? You may have been taught many things – but what do you believe in is the question. Do you have it in you? Do you have it in you to go against not just your own family but perhaps his too? Do you have it in you to stand up for someone you like and respect? Are you that girl?

Find your strength
Beta ji, if you are even one percent unsure then this one is not for you jee... Zara peeche ho jao. Step back. While love knows no boundaries of class, caste or colour, the truth is these are very ugly realities of life.

People do very brutal and extreme things to their own kids on these issues. I am not suggesting that any of this will happen to you but you may face them, maybe on a teeny tiny level. So think and think hard.

Can you do it?
Guddi, sit down – cool, calm and composed and make a list of things you like about this guy and where you see your relationship going. Like, let's say, plus points. Then make a list and think up ALL the worst case scenarios you think you may have to face in opposition.

Then have a cup of coffee. Then go back to list number two and frankly review it – will you be able to put up with it all. Conjure up the worst images of your dad pulling out a talwaar – a sword – and his mother going on a fast unto death... READY for this drama? Just kidding you beta, but well, let's say it comes to this, then are you READY?

Is he worth it?
So the first step is you and now enters the object of affection, the boy in question. Bhai who is the boy, is he the type who is lovable but will crumble under the fasting mummy's rumbling tummy or will he be able to stand up with your hand in one hand and a glass of juice for his mum in the other?! Check beta – check this out and then make your choice.

The unhappy truth Guddi is that very often we buckle under pressure and that is not to be seen as a sign of weakness but perhaps as a sign of maturity. You know that if this gets bad it can put you and your beloved at big risk.

No risk, no fun
But on the other hand, if you don’t take risks you stand a chance of being stuck with someone Daddy chooses and you just have to go along... not much room for discussion there. Do you want that kind of a life? What will happen to love and romance and desire and passion, Guddi... uska kya hoga?!

Bete, take a moment and think – reflect and introspect. Get sure and then check the guy out – not just his cuteness Guddi, but also his mettle! Then take that step forward – go follow your heart – but not if death do you part! All our solidarity and support with you Guddi O!

Do you believe in marrying someone of your own caste? What advice will you give Guddi? Leave a comment below or share your thoughts on Facebook.  

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Comments
Beta ji .. jesa mein hamesha kehti ayi hun ki pyar mein koi soda nahi ..aur agar tum dono ek shadi karne ki uchit umar me ho aur ek dusre ko samjhte ho, pyar karte ho to saath mein tum dono ko hi akhir kaar rehna.. aur pyar karne wale asani se nahi milte puttar ji so apne dil ki poori samjh aur samjh dari ke sath suno apni baat ghar walo ke samne rakho.
Me ek larki se bohot pyar karta hu aru wo bhi mujhe karti he,lekin wo alag caste ka he...mera aur uska ghar wale hm dono ko accept nehi karte.wese me hm dono ko kya karna cahiye?
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